The Pub Discussion Board

CHuckled my way through the PRM chapters, this is looking better and better with every chapter :-)

(posted from Dinner and Princesses)

Really outstanding!

And as JustLucky said this is a unique and interesting premises.. I loved the presentations.

Interested to see where this is going.. also currious, given daughter kisses dad and he tastes pussy... exactly how does daughter kiss dad? sort of implies a level of taboo already crossed.  Perhaps if you do intend that it was a chaste / dad daughter kiss not intended for it to be a tongue kiss this early in the story, perhaps he could lick his lips reflectively after and taste it.

one other comment. ... and I LOVE the direct... Yes, Yes I would at the end... but perhaps he shoudl as the girls mom first, "and your ok with this?"
sure it's implied because she is there. but he proabbly still should ask.

(posted from Who the hell is Mark?)

Ok... This chapter was fun.  A little disappointed that daughter didn't stay to watch .

(posted from Her turn)

going to give another bit of constructive criticisem here.

in the following segment:

I put some garlic bread in the over and texted Nicole that food would be ready in 20. It seemed the safest option. The girls came out with sex hair and both kissed me, briefly for Nicole and deeply from Katie, but both tasted of each other's juices. My brain didn't know what to think about that, but my shorts were uncomfortably tight as I served the food. It was noticed and there was some giggling, but it wasn't much different than normal.

We had a delightful dinner, filled with jokes and dinosaur facts, and me studiously ignoring they were giving each other and me. It was almost a normal meal except for all the subtext. Finally, as we all pushed back from the table, full as ticks, I said "So... we should probably establish some ground rules." The girls gave me immediate, if skeptical, attention. "First, I understand that I can not use any of the standard dad language..."

#1-- bread in the over should be bread in the oven.

#2 and the real suggestion is... "We had a delightful dinner, filled with jokes and dinosaur facts, and me studiously ignoring they were giving each other and me. It was almost a normal meal except for all the subtext."   YOU missed a golden opportunity to SHOW us that dinner, discussion/dialog.  what would add a lot of depth and realisem to your story.  I would have enjoyed actualy seeing/reading that dialog.

(posted from Status Quo)

abaddon.pale wrote:

Ok.. this was HOT...

But maybe that's just me... as is it's great.  hot... and fits the characters.  It could just be a bit hotter if Robert "led" more..

(posted from First Date)

Robert is not the protagonist of the story. He's the perspective character, but definitely not the one driving the action.

abaddon.pale wrote:

She is a good girl.

(posted from Getting to know you)

She is. The best.

OK... this was an odd transition.. the rest of the story has been from Dad's Perspective this chapter after a bit of reading is obviously from Nikki's perspective.   I do perspective shifts in my stories too.. may be a good idea to put POV character at the top of every chapter ... or every chapter that is different.  just to save a bit of confusion on the part of the reader.

(posted from Meanwhile)

abaddon.pale wrote:

Fucking LOVED... the subtle Princess Bride reference. Well Done!

"So... I jerk off and you do, too, and we get off like civilized people?"

"As god intended," she said, completing the nerdy line, "Sportsmanlike."

(posted from Over the phone)

They're fucking nerds.

kallisex wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

OK... this was an odd transition.. the rest of the story has been from Dad's Perspective this chapter after a bit of reading is obviously from Nikki's perspective.   I do perspective shifts in my stories too.. may be a good idea to put POV character at the top of every chapter ... or every chapter that is different.  just to save a bit of confusion on the part of the reader.

(posted from Meanwhile)

Added for the rewrite.

in fairness after the transiton the story stays in Nikki for as far as you have published.  I do still think it would be cool to

A) have the chapter title and number at the top of each section ( given Eric doesnt' publish the chapter title on the page itself )
B) add the POV under the chapter title

I do both of these things in my storires at least when there are multiple POVs.

your story obviously works without it, but it helps the reader when transitioning POVs.
I recently listend to a story on Facebook or Youtrube where the story shifted POVs multipe times and I had to keep backing up to figure out what the hell was going on LOL

Eric Storm wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

A) have the chapter title and number at the top of each section ( given Eric doesnt' publish the chapter title on the page itself )

A correction:  If the chapter has a title, it will be used in the story's Table of Contents, and the current chapter is "highlighted" (ie, disabled) in the Table of Contents, making it easy to find the name of the chapter even without scrolling to the top of the chapter.

Eric Storm

It's always scary when he does that.

-Kalli

Eric Storm wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

A) have the chapter title and number at the top of each section ( given Eric doesnt' publish the chapter title on the page itself )

A correction:  If the chapter has a title, it will be used in the story's Table of Contents, and the current chapter is "highlighted" (ie, disabled) in the Table of Contents, making it easy to find the name of the chapter even without scrolling to the top of the chapter.

Eric Storm

YES>.. it's in the table of contents. 
and while I made a suggestion of adding it to the page display itself ( maybe in the tool bar ) it's just a suggestion.

my point to Kallisex is he ( I think ) like I have chapters that switch POV..   would be a conveyance for the reader to have the Chapter and POV listed at the start of each chapter ( like in a book )

Again this is JUST a suggestion, not belleacheing

Hey, I had a question...

Primarily for Eric, but I also am fine with others replying.

If I'm going to do full rewrites of chapters, not just editing to fix details, would that be just replacing the current chapters or should I start a new story with the new chapters? In other words, should rewrites obliterate the original, or should I have another parallel rewritten story?

Thanks in advance, folks.

-Kalli