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#26 2024-09-06 11:44:44

Sam Spayed
Inebriated
Registered: 2024-08-25
Posts: 29

Re: Alpha Project

I'd like to see more of this.

Every scene in a story should move the plot or explore character. Just moving the characters from A to B or showing off your world-building isn't sufficient reason to have a scene. Always ask whether the reader _needs_ to know something before telling them. Recognising and avoiding that scene is a skill well worth developing.

I'd like to know these two girls. While their characters are coming out, they could probably be brought out clearer in scenes other than the ones narrated. For example, a dialogue between them as they lie in bed on the first night.

The scene setting in this story is good, often using several senses. What we can see of the plot, promises a fascinating and engaging journey.

(posted from Chapter 5)

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#27 2024-09-06 19:06:38

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5911
Website

Re: Alpha Project

Sam Spayed wrote:

... Just moving the characters from A to B or showing off your world-building isn't sufficient reason to have a scene. Always ask whether the reader _needs_ to know something before telling them.

Sorry to have to call you out, but this statement is total bullshit.

What you are espousing is one method of writing a story, but you state it as if it is the only legitimate way to do so.  However, I know from a rather large amount of direct commentary from readers that lots of people enjoy world building scenes.  It allows them to immerse themselves even further into the protagonist's world, thus allowing them to envision the story more vividly.

No, every scene in a book does NOT have to advance the story, or significantly develop the characters.  Sometimes, you're just trying to help the reader enjoy the world as much as you do.  And that is a completely legitimate reason to include any scene.

I firmly believe the rules you're espousing were established by publishers, who have to worry about how many pages are in the books they have to print.  As internet authors, we don't have that problem, and thus should not be bound by their definition of a "good" story.  A good story is whatever you and your readers both enjoy.  How the author achieves that is their personal style, and frankly, should be left up to them.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#28 2024-10-07 08:52:49

Wicked Storm
Completely Blotto
From: New Orleans
Registered: 2012-06-15
Posts: 372

Re: Alpha Project

The format of this story is designed the way, that I am writing it intentionally. It would more enjoyable if I wrote more of it, and their is more in the works but this is one of my stories I do for the fun of it. Not because it's screaming at me to be written. I understand your desire to see more building but that will come as the story becomes more involved.

As always thank you Eric.


In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly.

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