The Pub Discussion Board

Jefferson wrote:

For those who actually enjoyed this story, would you be interested in reading, or re-reading, a new and improved version of the story? Do you think this is a good idea or would I just be wasting my time? If I do it, should I post the new and improved version over the original or should I post it as a new version of the story, "Summer Road Trip 2.0"?

Please give me opinions. If no one is interested in an improved version, I won't waste my time and will just go on my merry way.

Thank you.

I've read the story probably about ten times in my life. I gave my virgin ex-girlfriend a copy and it was one of the first things that ever really turned her on.  So, having now had the opportunity to actually speak to the author, I can honestly say I'd love to read a new version of the story.  I'm not quite sure what version I have saved on my computer, as I saved it in March of 2011 which was when I sent it to my ex, but I'd love to read a new and improved version.  I think I first read it in 2007 when I was in college because I remember recommending it to a friend on our way to Atlantic City.

I would hate to see major plotlines/characters cut out as I really feel that every experience helped to shape Jason's character along the way.  That being said, I can offer some suggestions, just based on our read/feelings of the story.

-The explanation for Lori's sterility seemed a bit unbelievable and didn't really fit with the narrative flow. Maybe it's the medical background in me, but it just didn't work IMHO.

-The Guthrie brothers situation was a bit awkward and they would have almost definitely been banned from any clothing optional resort from acting in that way. I realize they were the villains of the story and needed to be there but the whole sequence kind of took me out of the story and reminded me that it was a work of fiction.

-Honestly, I wasn't a fan of Cris' dialogue at first because it seemed a bit unbelievable. That being said, with a bit more life experience, having dated a drug addict whose ex sold her for money at one point, having a good friend who sold herself to pay her bills, and having dated several women who invented these types of stories, the dialogue and dynamic is a lot more organic than I believed it to be on my most recent read.

Honestly, I'd love to see what you plan to do with it and will definitely be happy to read a new version!

I wrote the story 20+ years ago - it was the first story I ever wrote and published - and trust me, the story is a LOT better now than it was then.

To tell the truth, the story, today, is a hot mess that is probably too big of a mess to fix properly. It needs a serious rewrite. There are bigger problems in the story than "too" and "to" and "will" and "well." I will continue to make fixes to the story occasionally when the mood strikes but I wouldn't sit around and wait for it.

Glad you're enjoying the story.

Fine conclusion to a wonderful story of young love/lust! It just needs a little grammatical/ spelling tune-up to be perfect.

(posted from Epilogue)