Get your favorite beverage, sit back, and join in the discussion
You are not logged in.
Book of John, The
This a story I started a few years back about a teen and his family. It is kind of long and I never finished it. If you want to have a go at finishing the story send me your ideas (karax2525@yahoo.com) if I see one I like I'll post it as the second and Final part.
Offline
Keep it going Please. I enjoyed the layout and can even see ahead a bit.
(posted from Part One)
Offline
Loved it. Wish there was more
(posted from Part One)
Offline
Regarding John's sexual encounter with Mary.
Before you write about sex, learn some anatomy!
A man's penis cannot open or penetrate a woman's cervix!
To suggest this happening is stupid!
(posted from Part One)
Offline
To write a critique without reading the critiquing guide is also stupid. Especially if you happen to not know what you're talking about.
First off, your post failed as a critique. Why? You didn't state a single thing you liked about the story. If you cannot do this, you should not post anything. This is stated very clearly in the critiquing guide.
Now, as to your complaint: Perhaps you should have done a tad bit more searching of the internet before opening your mouth. There are plenty of people online (WOMEN) who have reported having their cervix penetrated by their partners, both with fingers and penises, and finding it enjoyable. The cervix... or, more critically, the "external os", is a sphincter, designed to stretch. While it is normally, yes, far too small to insert a penis into, that is not always the case.
Further, I'd like to point out that the character in the story did not actually penetrate the cervix, he "opened" it sufficiently wide to ejaculate into it. That's... not a very big opening needed. The cervix can easy accommodate something the size of a thumb; I'm pretty sure opening it far enough for cum to blast through would be easily achievable.
So... perhaps you should take your own advice: Learn some anatomy - some PRACTICAL anatomy, not the stuff in books - before you call someone out on it.
Now, to shut off this anatomical argument before it gets started, I'm going to tell you this: Even if you were right, you would be wrong. Why? Because this is a standard erotica trope, used by all sorts of erotica authors. Erotica is fantasy: it is not designed - nor in most cases, desired to be - 100% anatomically accurate. Your average erotica reader, for instance, doesn't give a shit that probably 3/4 of all stories mentioning the hymen (including some of my older ones, before I knew better), put the damned thing in the wrong place. And, when told that it is, most people would probably respond, "So what?"
If we're to insist on anatomical accuracy, we need to remove multiple orgasms and 2-hour-long fuck sessions from our stories, too, as these sorts of things are "extremely unlikely" as well, for the common person. We're not going to, because that's what people want to read, and the point of publishing a story is to give people something that they want to read.
Eric Storm
Offline
Over all it is a good story. You could use an editor though to clean things up a bit which would make it even better.
(posted from Part One)
Offline
it is a shame the author did not have the desire to continue this story. It was very entertaining.
(posted from Part One)
Offline