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#1 2026-05-27 07:53:58
Jessi and Jynx
Jessi and Jynx
A pair of demon twins are born with superpowers but also the need for sex.
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#2 2026-05-27 13:02:19
- abaddon.pale
- Wasted
- Registered: 2018-09-11
- Posts: 105
Re: Jessi and Jynx
Review: Jessi and Jynx
Welcome to the site, kallisex! I’ve reviewed your first post and have the following thoughts:
The Strengths: You've created an intriguing hook. The twist of making your "super" characters Succubi/Incubi is a great touch that adds immediate depth to your world-building and leaves the reader wanting more.
Areas for Improvement:
Stylistic Consistency: The narrative currently sits in an awkward middle ground between prose and a script. I recommend choosing one; a full screenplay format with blocking notes would actually be a very cool stylistic choice here.
Polish: A quick proofread is needed to catch minor typos (e.g., "hios") and pronoun errors (the sentence regarding the parents).
You have a great start here. I'm looking forward to more!
— Abaddon Pale
(posted from The first interview)
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#3 Yesterday 04:12:43
- kallisex
- Inebriated
- Registered: 2026-05-02
- Posts: 10
Re: Jessi and Jynx
Thanks for the input! I'm currently in a manic stage, just trying to get all this out of my head before it becomes mush, but your suggestions are constructive and useful. I will attempt to implement them when I enter a more passive editing phase. I'd love your input on my other stuff if and when you have time, but will, of course, understand if you don't.
I'm a big fan of your work, and look forward to reading your new stuff every time it comes out. You capture intensity soooo well. <3
(posted from the Item Information Page)
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#4 Yesterday 13:33:07
- Sam Spayed
- Inebriated
- Registered: 2024-08-25
- Posts: 34
Re: Jessi and Jynx
This is a fun story with a fascinating premise and backstory. I don't get on with collage style but this held my attention.
(posted from B-roll)
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#5 Today 05:01:05
- kallisex
- Inebriated
- Registered: 2026-05-02
- Posts: 10
Re: Jessi and Jynx
Sam Spayed wrote:
This is a fun story with a fascinating premise and backstory. I don't get on with collage style but this held my attention.
(posted from B-roll)
Yeah, I'm still figuring out how I want to do this. I've got enough first person stories, and I want to write something cinematic, but I'm terrible at form. Anyone have a style guide I can adhere to directly?
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