Cabal

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2020-Apr-22 @ 8:32 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Billybob1969 wrote:

Enjoyed the story gripping from the 1st chapter. I hope you return to it one day

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thank you,  I have began writing again.    just posted the next chapter in Bliss ( same universe different story )
I will be finishing the next chapter of Cabal next.


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2020-Apr-22 @ 8:34 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Ser_Orc wrote:

Nooooooo I need more. What a cliff hanger

(posted from Surrogate Serum)

and you got the cliffhanger twice LOL.  Penny's last chapter can Cabal's last chapter sort of ended the same way.

YES I am writing again.  as posted a moment ago.  next chapter of Cabal is coming soon


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2020-May-7 @ 11:25 PM
edjueinnest
Inebriated
Member since 2014-Jul-10
Posts: 13

good story hope to read more from this writer soon

(posted from Surrogate Serum)


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2020-May-12 @ 8:28 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

edjueinnest wrote:

good story hope to read more from this writer soon

(posted from Surrogate Serum)

Thank you, thank you, thank you..

:-)  I live for the feedback.

i'm currently writing the next Chapter of Cabal.   Papa's love should come out from under Permium status soon.

if there is anything in particular you like about the story let me know. so I can focus more on it big_smile/

have a great day.


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2021-May-11 @ 9:11 PM
Flyingmark
Tipsy
Member since 2021-May-7
Posts: 1

Will it be finished?

(posted from Pappas Love)


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2023-Jan-26 @ 12:14 AM
Dadrepus
Wasted
Member since 2023-Jan-12
Posts: 104

Wow, this was really well done. Nothing offended me, story was intriguing, well thought out. Can't wait for the next chapter. How soon?

(posted from Pappas Love)


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Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)
2023-May-12 @ 12:26 AM
Raincheck
Tipsy
Member since 2023-May-10
Posts: 2

I just discovered the story of "Cabal" and I have to say it's one of the best stories I've read anywhere. You have an impressive imagination and the twists and turns were electrifying. I'm very saddened that nothing has been added to it since 2020. Is there somewhere else that has the completed story?

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Oct-28 @ 8:35 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Raincheck wrote:

I just discovered the story of "Cabal" and I have to say it's one of the best stories I've read anywhere. You have an impressive imagination and the twists and turns were electrifying. I'm very saddened that nothing has been added to it since 2020. Is there somewhere else that has the completed story?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thank you. 

Sadly, I have been working on and off on the next chapter well next few actualy for a few years.   Life got in the way and writing had to take a back seat to a lot of other stuff.
But in short, I sort of wrote myself into a Martinesq Meranese Knot and took me a while to figure my way out of it.

I just posted the next chapter.   "Catharsis" tonight.   It was a difficult chapter to write.   Mainly because of where/when it takes place.   In short when writing a chapter I like to focus on one or two key points of plot I want to address, maybe 10-20% world building and descriptive detail, and don’t show anything that is not relevant to the story, in service of the plot, or well Hot.     However this first full day of our MC in his new environment lets say.   Everything was new and interesting, way to much for him to think about etc.   there is a LOT of plot and world building here, but I did manage to work in some hotness in the beginning middle and end of the chapter.   The bit in the middle is sort of a flash forward so that there is not 20 pages of no sex to bore the crap out of readers who are not here for the story.

Let me know if you think the flash forward/flash back doesn’t work..  I kind of like after re-reading a bunch of times.  It’s like a tease of whats to come.

The next chapters will be:
First Time Again ( tentative title ): Penny
Home Front: Mark
Therapy: Mark
Family Matters: Mark
Cry for Help: Mark

And this should rap up act II

Planned titles and plots for Act III are well VERY tentative but are as follows:

Wicked Bitch: Penelope
Flight of Fancy: Mark
The kindness of Strangers: Mark
New Daddy: Mark
Making Music: Mark
Saving Grace: Mark.

This is the plan end of the first book.   Given what I have written so far has deviated a lot from my original outline. As new ideas spring to mind as I write.


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2023-Nov-2 @ 8:29 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

**Author’s Notes**

Ok, so yea.  As I mentioned in my Notes on Chapter 9 in the synopsis,  after a re-listen ( I like to use Text to Speech engines to review and edit my writing while I am working on it ).  I noticed last week that I horribly mischaracterized the girls ( Penny, Andy and Cassy ) in the 1939 timeline.   Especially Cassandra ( Cassy ),  at this point in the story she should be six years old, and she reads as more of a two to three year old.  There are also some issues with Andromeda and Penelope but much less as neither of them get a lot of Dialog.

Further, in doing some research on how to handle this I have reviewed a lot of the earlyer chapters and realized there are some things I forgot. And some things I have planned that really impact this.
So Plan of Action:

#1 I am going to rewrite the “Forbidden Fruit  section of Chapter 9 to portray Cassy a bit more age appropriately for a six year old.   The overall what happens, and it’s affect on Mark / Frank will not change, but Cassy should be a more active player in the scene.  A few more minor edits to the “Tiny Dancers  section as well but not a major re-write.

#2 I am going to do a full Edit Pass on Chapters 1 – 9, in doing some reviews I’ve noticed a lot of minor ( un-intentional ) errors in grammar and spelling.    Those edits will not be worth a re-read, the story of those chapters will not change.  But I’d like to make it as clean as possible.

#3 I will then get back to writing Chapter 10, now called “Prayers , a 9 year old Penny focused chapter, where we find out more about what happened between the end of October 1938 and August of 1939, up to and including Penny’s POV on Mark’s first few days in Franks body.  Chapter 11 will continue Mark’s story.

Abaddon.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Nov-4 @ 10:48 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Just completed an updated version of Chapter Nine: Catharsis.
While I fixed a lot of spelling and grammar issues, the main thing was a correction to a number of continuity issues. ( such as Mark and Penelope’s middle names being wrong ).  But the number one issue that is now fixed is the Characterization of Cassandra who is six years old in August of 1939.  In the original version of this chapter, she read like a 2-3 year old.   The dialog was all wrong.
Cassandra is very important to later parts of the story so I could not just age her younger.  It was better to just re-write the two sections featuring her to make her more developmentally appropriate for he age.  E.g. few miss pronunciations of words,  understanding that words can have multiple meanings, and in general acting like a little adult, but maintaining the child like innocence.
Over the next week or two I am going to do a “Full Edit” pass on all the preceding chapters.  I do not plan to alter the earlyer story in any way, but I do want to correct any continuity errors, and ill fix any spelling or grammar issues I find along the way.
THEN I will get back to writing Chapter 10: Prayers, a Penny focused chapter.  As stated previously Mark’s story continues in Chapter 11: Home Front.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Nov-12 @ 9:18 AM
Dadrepus
Wasted
Member since 2023-Jan-12
Posts: 104

Can't wait. I love stories with a few twists and turns. You have me enthralled.


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Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)
2023-Nov-14 @ 8:49 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Thanks Dadrepus, I truly apricate the feedback and comment.

I just posted Chapter 10, for the most part it's a Re-telling +++ of the events from Chapter 9 but from Penny's point of view.  Her experiences overlap with Mark's but there is a lot more going on in her life than Mark is aware of big_smile.. I hope you like it.

PS it's PREM for 30 days. 
I will be posting all future chapters in this manner, hopefully to help out the site.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Nov-14 @ 11:33 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Author Note: I just posted an Update to Chapter 3
Not worth a re-read if you have already read it.
Just fixing a continuity issue. and a bunch of spelling mistakes.
the overall content has not changed.  R. Cotton is a tiny bit more representable, and the one reference to Gracie's mother is removed because she would have already passed away by OCT of 1938

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Nov-24 @ 1:14 PM
Alex_Rider
Tipsy
Member since 2022-Aug-11
Posts: 5

Just Read the whole story in one go, I love it so far hopefully there will be more chapters soon

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Nov-28 @ 4:57 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Alex_Rider wrote:

Just Read the whole story in one go, I love it so far hopefully there will be more chapters soon

(posted from the Item Information Page)

THANK YOU, for the feedback,

The next two chapters are nearly ready to publish, and currently working on the one after that.

C11:  Eyes of the Oracle,  should post for PRIM later this week.
C12: Home Front, should post to PRIM about two weeks after.
C13: Therapy,  TBD


P.S.  is there anything in particular you like or dislike about the story so far.


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2023-Dec-4 @ 3:33 AM
Alex_Rider
Tipsy
Member since 2022-Aug-11
Posts: 5

abaddon.pale wrote:

P.S.  is there anything in particular you like or dislike about the story so far.

If I had to pin it down, I'd say I really like the esoteric and mystic setting of the story.
But I sometimes get a little bit confused with the timeline.


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2023-Dec-4 @ 9:42 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Alex_Rider wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

P.S.  is there anything in particular you like or dislike about the story so far.

If I had to pin it down, I'd say I really like the esoteric and mystic setting of the story.
But I sometimes get a little bit confused with the timeline.

Thanks,  and the setting is also one of my favorite aspects,  it has elements of a lot of my favorite stories, but is also unique unto itself.

as for the Timelines

there are two main ones.

Primary Timeline takes place in Mid-September of 1964 when Mark Meet's ZeeAl for the first time.

Flash Back Timeline(s)  we first flash back to 1938 in a Penelope memory, she is sharing via conversation with her sister, but we see as we are there.
Then in Papa's love, Mark is sent back in time ( is mind,soul,power...etc but not his body ) into Frank Whitemore's body.  this is at the end of august 1939.

all other time shifts are just flash forward backwards a few hours.  "Thinking About" stuff sort of things, those are really mostly done to break up the narrative, in sections at I felt were getting a bit dry, or to add a sort of narrative punctuation.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.  I hope you will enjoy the new chapters as they get released.


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2023-Dec-16 @ 8:32 AM
HypnoBruce
Tipsy
Member since 2021-Jun-14
Posts: 1

I want to share that I LOVE the way you're using Cassie as the "sage" who already knows the future. I hope you plan for Mark and Cassie to get together in 1964.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2023-Dec-17 @ 9:16 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

HypnoBruce wrote:

I want to share that I LOVE the way you're using Cassie as the "sage" who already knows the future. I hope you plan for Mark and Cassie to get together in 1964.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thanks HypnoBruce,

I have really enjoyed writing Cassie, I had always planned for her to be psychic, as she is named for the Cassandra of Greek legend.  However after I did a bit of a re-write of her when I did an edit to the chapter Catharsis a while back, I found her personality to be kind of fun.   The reason for the rewrite was I originally wrote her much younger than 6, while stating the ages was six, I treated her as more of a 2-3 year old in dialog.    so I did a bunch of psychology research to try to make her dialog more apt.

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.


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2023-Dec-17 @ 2:47 PM
Saran
Contributor
Member since 2023-Sep-19
Posts: 23

abaddon.pale wrote:

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Tease begin]

yikes  How DARE you slight poor pen-pen that way!!!  She's your favorite.  I KNOW She is.

[tease end]

I've really enjoyed the story so far and I'm really excited to see more come out of this.  Cassie really is a fun character and I look forward to a lot more interaction in the "present."   I fear we are not going to see nearly enough of Gracie for a long while.  I really like her character too, though I'm really looking forward to Heather when he can finally save her.

::Looks over at abaddon::  What?  I didn't give anything away?


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2023-Dec-17 @ 7:22 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Saran wrote:

abaddon.pale wrote:

So once "Mark's Love" activated her power, she became a sexy little anacronym,  havening knowledge and skills from her future selves, and seeing branching paths of possible fates at all time.  but in the 39 time line, her young mind has difficulty making senses of everting.    Yes you will see her again in Chapter 13: Therapy and beyond.

Needless to say she is one of my favorite characters now.  Her and Gracie are the most fun to write.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Tease begin]

yikes  How DARE you slight poor pen-pen that way!!!  She's your favorite.  I KNOW She is.

[tease end]

I've really enjoyed the story so far and I'm really excited to see more come out of this.  Cassie really is a fun character and I look forward to a lot more interaction in the "present."   I fear we are not going to see nearly enough of Gracie for a long while.  I really like her character too, though I'm really looking forward to Heather when he can finally save her.

::Looks over at abaddon::  What?  I didn't give anything away?

Nope your fine.

Yea I like each of the main girls.  well all of them really.     Each has her own "Thing" that makes her fun to write.   Cassie just got real fun to write after I re-vamped her personality, then mixed in prescience.   I don't know if I could even rank them in order of preference.   Yes Gracie and Trisha will be back, but yes it may be a while.  Hent, the last chapter in this book will be called "Saving Grace"

But I have plans for book 2 and book three, so we will get a lot more.  AND chapters 8-12 may not be the only "Quantum Leaping" Mark dose in the series.   He has some unfinished business in 39 AND...  well we will just have to wait and see.     Nothing is set in stone until I publish it on MWP big_smile...


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2024-Mar-31 @ 5:54 PM
Dadrepus
Wasted
Member since 2023-Jan-12
Posts: 104

Good chapter, can’t wait for another. Very few spelling/grammar errors but something is odd about the size of the text. It kept changing throughout the chapter. Example: The last 4 lines in the chapter are  smaller font size than the previous lines. Was this done on purpose? Or is something wrong with the formatting?

(posted from Chains of the Mind)


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Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)
2024-Mar-31 @ 6:00 PM
Dadrepus
Wasted
Member since 2023-Jan-12
Posts: 104

Oh, I forgot to mention that the text will not wrap like normal when trying to enlarge the text. I normally read these stories by clicking on the button that allows me to read the text in a new window. I do not download. But with this chapter, enlarging the text just takes the edges off the page and I lose text. Most of the time doing this has the text wrap but not here.

(posted from Chains of the Mind)


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Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)
2024-Mar-31 @ 11:42 PM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5767

1.  You should not bring formatting issues up in the forum, you should contact me directly.  Sometimes formatting issues are not the author's responsibility, and you bugging them will just confuse them.  I'm used to being confused. 
smile

2.  Since you DID bring it up, do you have these problems in all chapters of this story, or just the most recent chapter?

Checking the HTML, I can see potential causes of the problem, but I didn't dig deep enough to figure out for sure, nor do I know if there is an easy fix.  Abaddon Pale is apparently using software that writes directly to HTML format (as opposed to a word processing format), and those programs often do a VERY poor job of handling formatting.

Eric Storm


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2024-Apr-1 @ 2:47 AM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 30

Eric Storm wrote:

1.  You should not bring formatting issues up in the forum, you should contact me directly.  Sometimes formatting issues are not the author's responsibility, and you bugging them will just confuse them.  I'm used to being confused. 
smile

2.  Since you DID bring it up, do you have these problems in all chapters of this story, or just the most recent chapter?

Checking the HTML, I can see potential causes of the problem, but I didn't dig deep enough to figure out for sure, nor do I know if there is an easy fix.  Abaddon Pale is apparently using software that writes directly to HTML format (as opposed to a word processing format), and those programs often do a VERY poor job of handling formatting.

Eric Storm

Thanks to both of you guys for the feedback.

I use Scrivener to write, and compile the document to HTML. . but I do proof in Natural Reader and Pro writing aid. so there is a lot of copy/past back and forth.  It's possible a "Hard Text" setting got copied back to the document.. I'll check and reformat, re-format and upload if necessary.

Again thanks for the feedback... it really encourages me to keep writing.


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