Cruel Timing

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2007-Jan-11 @ 6:05 PM
Jefferson
Contributor
Member since 2006-Dec-3
Posts: 447

Great story and, as for the ending, I thought it was almost TOO NICE! I think Ray should have waited until school lunch, froze time, gone to Wal-Mart, stole a pair of gloves and, while wearing the gloves, stole a hunting knife, gone back to school, cut Tim's throat and then plunged the knife into the jerks heart. And that's just for what he did to Hope.

That's what I thought of as I was reading, then I reconsidered. What he should have done was, waited until school lunch and used a permanent marker to write "Abandon All Hope!" Across the guys forehead. Continue to do this for a couple days, writing various things across the assholes forehead. Then, on the last day, rip off the assholes shirt and write "RAPIST!" on his chest and back in BIG letters, rip the guys shirt to shreds so he can't put it back on, return to his table and restart time. It would have been classic. Tim may have gotten another girl but I bet it wouldn't be at that school. smile

Really great story. Loved every second of it.

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2008-Aug-23 @ 3:34 AM
99bn99
Tipsy
Member since 2008-Aug-23
Posts: 1

Maybe I am sick:   Too bad the cutter had to be moving quickly.  Slow slice wouild have been better.     

I feel sorry for the poor innocent (presumed innocent) that was operating the paper cutter.


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2009-Jul-4 @ 3:34 AM
mjsinjapan
Inebriated
Member since 2009-Jul-1
Posts: 16

Chopped it off lol! Another fun read, thanks for sharing!

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2009-Jul-11 @ 12:03 PM
Nadez
Wasted
Member since 2009-Jun-6
Posts: 201

So im just starting to read this one Eric..and I wanted to clarify the ages..I dont think ive seen it yet and its about halfway through with the chapter..also it says that there adopted sisters yet they have the mind control powers? or..soemthing like that please get back to me this ones confusing me perhaps im tired or something but I dunno


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2009-Jul-11 @ 2:06 PM
Nadez
Wasted
Member since 2009-Jun-6
Posts: 201

Okay, I spent the entire night reading and figured out the sister thing ages too except for his, I have to say BRAVO. Very amazing story and I loved the end. fucking asshole deserved it. I loved Skye's name AND charcter both were amazing as was the entire story like always your writing is wonderful and fun. thank you for your work!


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2009-Jul-12 @ 4:27 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

Glad you enjoyed it.  I would personally have to go back and read it to figure out ages; it's been a long time since I read CT.

Eric


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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2009-Jul-14 @ 8:23 AM
Nadez
Wasted
Member since 2009-Jun-6
Posts: 201

You dont usually focus on the ages or so Ive noticed


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2009-Jul-14 @ 11:43 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

I usually mention it, but unless it becomes important to the story, no, I don't focus on it.  I don't really think it's relevant to the story in most cases.  I think mental maturity is far more important than physical maturity.

Eric


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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2009-Jul-16 @ 4:13 AM
Nadez
Wasted
Member since 2009-Jun-6
Posts: 201

Most of your character are quite mentally mature. I enjoy that in a good charcter


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2009-Nov-7 @ 3:07 AM
Bd.Carlo
Inebriated
Member since 2009-Nov-7
Posts: 62

Another good story, I like how the protagonist, loves and cares for his family, but is completely ruthless in dealing with anyone who would try to hurt them.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."  Elbert Hubbard
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." Jerry Seinfeld
2010-Jul-25 @ 6:56 AM
gaianwizard
Inebriated
Member since 2009-Sep-22
Posts: 11

I first read CAMP roughly 10 years ago (think you were going by Whitestar or something close at the time) and loved it!  But after reading this....it has to be some of your best work.  Decent amount of intimacy but the way you make the reader fall in love with your characters is outstanding.  I've always enjoyed stories where the main character has a large degree of righteousness and nobility and yours don't disappoint (read the Sword of Truth series to see what I mean).  Plus the justice at the end of this one had me laughing my ass off and hollering "Hell yeah!"  Hope to see you writing more for many years to come!

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2010-Jul-25 @ 9:21 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

Glad you enjoyed the story.  Thanks for the feedback.  I'll try to get some more stuff out soon, but no promises.

Eric


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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2011-Apr-2 @ 4:01 PM
SnakeEater
Inebriated
Member since 2009-Aug-29
Posts: 16

Net Wolf,

A VERY Outstanding story!!! A few interesting twists but I loved the way you had Jenna flip to the better side. The punishment session for the evil twins was Damn hot & fully deserved. I love the way Ray beat the hell out of Tim at first & then again in school. The final straw when Tim threatened Skye was interesting, I could not believe Tim was that stupid but then I thought to those way back days when I was in high school. I still remember a few assholes that were JUST that stupid back then. I'm the oldest child of my mother and I had a little sister of whom I was very protective. If some piece of shit had threatened My baby sister like that, what Tim had done to him would have been considered child-play. I have what some would call an evil temper that only comes out when someone in my family is hurt or even threatened.

Tim deserved Far more than what you gave him in this story.

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2011-Apr-2 @ 11:51 PM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Thanks for the feedback,
Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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Facebook page
2012-May-10 @ 12:41 PM
Kitsune
Inebriated
Member since 2012-May-7
Posts: 45

I actually read this awhile back on a different site but i remember it being an excellent story so i will probably have to re read it.


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2012-May-10 @ 9:51 PM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

Care to say on which other site you read this?  I've not given permission to post this story anywhere.

Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Facebook page
2012-May-11 @ 5:16 AM
Kitsune
Inebriated
Member since 2012-May-7
Posts: 45

Yep both This and Artifacts where posted on Stories.xnxx.com by a guy called Karax he didn't take credit but he also did not give it to you.


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2012-May-19 @ 3:07 AM
drgonzo1
Contributor
Member since 2012-Mar-28
Posts: 17

I am like you with regards to women, I also have have delt with a daughter who was raped (after 20 years shee still has night terrors.). It is my personal opinion that they should be emasculated and placed in general population in a gladiator penetentury, after a few years of that existence they should be IMPALED in public with rape victims watching. (Barbaric I know but to me they are just a waste of air.)

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2012-Sep-27 @ 7:56 PM
Rynhold79
Inebriated
Member since 2012-Sep-25
Posts: 45

This was a pretty great story, I kind of wish Ray was cherokee but that's because I'm a 32nd.
As to Tim's punishment, I have to agree and say it wasn't harsh enough. This was still a great story, please keep up with the great work.


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2012-Sep-27 @ 11:58 PM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

I wasn't about to use a real tribal affiliation.

Glad you enjoyed the story.

Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Facebook page
2012-Nov-11 @ 3:28 PM
adultswim3
Inebriated
Member since 2012-Sep-16
Posts: 58

Another story that has kept me up well past my bedtime. Great work on the writing, I can't wait to read more of your stories.


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2012-Nov-12 @ 9:00 AM
Wicked Storm
Contributor
Member since 2012-Jun-16
Posts: 365

I find the way you write extremely easy to read. You have a good flow and it is easy to read and even listen to your stories for hours on end. Thus far each chapter of this story has been a treat. I am looking forward to the next 2.

(posted from Chapter 2)

Finished reading it and the story was fun to read and I like the ending.


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In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly.
2016-May-10 @ 8:42 AM
Jack Tempest
Tipsy
Member since 2016-Apr-14
Posts: 9

this was a superb work in my opinion. however. i am sorry the story wasn't more than 3 chapters. i would have loved following these characters a lot longer. i also must express my regrets that tim's punishment was over so swiftly. instead of as long and fitting as it would have to be, for justice to fit the punishment of his crime.  may the dickless wonder never rise again (pardon the crudeness of the last statement, please)

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2016-May-10 @ 9:48 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 5732

Over swiftly?  Ask John Wayne Bobbitt about the "swiftness" of this punishment's end.

Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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Facebook page
2022-Jan-9 @ 4:28 AM
Zmaybe
Inebriated
Member since 2021-Jun-27
Posts: 64

Nicely put.  The ending is more then just and should be the way all rapists are delt with.  I have 2 daughters and a step-daughter, if anyone were to force them into sex and I found out about it, that paper cutter would be a pleasant way to be dealt with.  Keep writing, you do it so well.

(posted from Chapter 3)


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