Eric Storm wrote:

Does your rewrite change plot details?  In other words, will follow-on chapters still make sense, without any continuity problems?

If so, i'd say just do a normal chapter repost.  If the change is significant enough that it will "break" any of the following chapters, then my suggestion would still not be to post it as a new story.  It would be to delete the chapters of the old story, and treat them as if they never existed, then post the newly edited chapters into the existing story.  Otherwise, you're going to wind up with two stories on the site that are going to share a title and a description, and readers are going to find it very hard to tell which one they're supposed to read.

There is, however, no "rule" about this, so handle it in whatever way works best for you.

Eric Storm

I agree with Eric 100% on this.   

I would add that.. while your story is in "Ongoing" form.  E.g. "Not yet complete."  you can consider the story in Draft form, so even major changes are to be expected. I did a revision of Cabal somewhere around chapter 10 where I had an idea that changed some minor things and had to go back and update all the previous chapters to maintain coherence. It was not a major change, but a lot of little ones.  I just reposted those chapters.

What you could do is ..
if you make a significant change to a previously posted chapter.. update the title putting [Revised: 1..] at the end of the title.
So your readers know they should re-read that/those sections.

Then when the story is complete... ( last chapter published ) remove all those [Revised] tags and mark the story complete.  following that.. you could do a "Second Edditon" if you want to re-write the story.

just some thoughts.   your story, you do you.

Ps. are you on the discord?

abaddon.pale wrote:

Nice addition.  I am actually loving this story.  I do kind of hate that dad is such a fucking SIMP, but I get it and see it working towards "manning up."  these girls obviously want to "Top from the bottom," so hopefully he will grow a pair soon.

**Suggestion/Comment**

--Katie looked excited for a moment. "But you shouldn't," her mom said. Katie stuck out her tongue at her mother. "You shouldn't because he'll feel used. You didn't like when boys took advantage of you being bigger and stronger, went around consent..." she said, and Katie crossed her arms, like a cartoon child in the middle of the pool. Clearly they were referencing something I hadn't been a part of. Katie was always in charge with boys in this town.--

I've noticed you do this from time to time.   Switch who's speaking mid-paragraph.  The specific case above isn't so bad. But it does cause a bit of a hickup in reading, as you try to figure out who is speaking.   I personally like to in dialog make sure if a different character is speaking than the one that was previously speaking or being described, I start a new paragraph so the change is clear.

this is JUST a suggestion.

(posted from Pool (N))

Katie is acting but only Carol is speaking here. It is a little awkward, though. Added for the rewrite.

abaddon.pale wrote:

Ps. are you on the discord?

Didn't know there was one.

I get a little nervous with personal details, as I wouldn't want to blow up my life.

That said, what does the discord entail?

-Kalli

abaddon.pale wrote:

Nice addition.  I am actually loving this story.  I do kind of hate that dad is such a fucking SIMP, but I get it and see it working towards "manning up."  these girls obviously want to "Top from the bottom," so hopefully he will grow a pair soon.

(posted from Pool (N))

I guess I don't understand the word 'simp' in this context. Generally, I understand simp to mean someone who is obsequious or fawning to try to get into a girl's pants. Sucking up or white knighting to get laid, etc. That does not feel relevant.

Unless you mean, why is he not being more dominant, as you asked before, and I don't know what to tell you. Not all men are dominant, and not all women prefer dominant men. If this is what you mean, I encourage you to try the buffet.

I don't understand what you mean, genuinely. Forgive me if I'm being unclear. I am trying to understand the complaint.

-Kalli

abaddon.pale wrote:

**Suggestion/Comment**

--Katie looked excited for a moment. "But you shouldn't," her mom said. Katie stuck out her tongue at her mother. "You shouldn't because he'll feel used. You didn't like when boys took advantage of you being bigger and stronger, went around consent..." she said, and Katie crossed her arms, like a cartoon child in the middle of the pool. Clearly they were referencing something I hadn't been a part of. Katie was always in charge with boys in this town.--

I've noticed you do this from time to time.   Switch who's speaking mid-paragraph.  The specific case above isn't so bad. But it does cause a bit of a hickup in reading, as you try to figure out who is speaking.   I personally like to in dialog make sure if a different character is speaking than the one that was previously speaking or being described, I start a new paragraph so the change is clear.

I have re-read this paragraph I think five times now, just to make sure I'm not missing something.

There aren't two people speaking here.  There is one person speaking, and one person narrating.  This story is apparently being told from first-person POV (Disclaimer:  I haven't read the story), which will regularly wind up with the narrator referencing themselves in paragraphs that include the dialogue of others.

I do agree, however, that this paragraph needs some kind of rewrite.  Not to fix the problem you're pointing out, but to improve flow.  Breaking it into smaller paragraphs might help.

Also, it's not just your personal preference, but actually a style rule that any paragraph should contain dialogue from only one speaker.  If a new person starts speaking, you are supposed to start a new paragraph.

Eric Storm

PS:  It's spelled "hiccup".  :-P

Eric Storm wrote:

I have re-read this paragraph I think five times now, just to make sure I'm not missing something.

There aren't two people speaking here.  There is one person speaking, and one person narrating.  This story is apparently being told from first-person POV (Disclaimer:  I haven't read the story), which will regularly wind up with the narrator referencing themselves in paragraphs that include the dialogue of others.

I do agree, however, that this paragraph needs some kind of rewrite.  Not to fix the problem you're pointing out, but to improve flow.  Breaking it into smaller paragraphs might help.

Also, it's not just your personal preference, but actually a style rule that any paragraph should contain dialogue from only one speaker.  If a new person starts speaking, you are supposed to start a new paragraph.

Eric Storm

PS:  It's spelled "hiccup".  :-P

Thanks, Eric. You spoil us.

-Kalli

PPS: sometimes it's spelled 'hiccough.'

You guys could have told me that "Status Quo" and "Coffee and Advice" were switched. It's been wrong for weeks!

(posted from the Item Information Page)

I have some catching up to do :-)
Kinda spoilt for choice with you Kalli...

Someone mentioned earlier in regards to tasting pussy on lips that lip kisses are an adult more than tween or teen thing with parents.
Id like to mention that girls express themselves according to their upbringing, Cultural norms and later on as they develop psychosexually.

I worked in Cananada on and off for a while in a few provinces, Dated a French Canadian girl with a 6 yr old and she would land a moist smacker on the lips when she kissed or pecked without a second thought and had zero modesty like her Mum, Same deal with a kid who hung around where I worked who was fascinated with my accent (NW Territories).
Lotta Aussie kids same too, lip kisses especially considering the freedom of societal judeo christian imprinting especially with 2nd Gen Euro, Mediterranean and especially Scandinavian Aussies.

SE Asia was pretty morally observant with bugger all Public displays of affection but in the family home modesty was cast aside and if the kids liked you they'd be all over you for various reasons (Philippines) and in the provinces if you smiled they would instantly seek out attention, sweets and a chance to practise English lol

UK, Scotland and Wales? Cheek peck although Glasgow kids would go with what they felt they could get away with lol

US kids were separated from Visiting Adults although Utah and Pennsylvania were more relaxed as was Northern Oregon (Got snowed in) and North Dakota (Snowed in again) where the lines were mostly Scandy.

So I think your mileage may very a bit depending on a few factors as well as appearances etc

One other thing and I dunno if its me noticing or imagining but a lot of these kids, especially Girls seemed really light in attention, simple praise and hugs.

A smile, nod or touch and they got clingy... easy enough to manage expectations with these tykes but after reading Mentor ........ Seems to be a fringe issue

JustLucky wrote:

I have some catching up to do :-)
Someone mentioned earlier in regards to tasting pussy on lips that lip kisses are an adult more than tween or teen thing with parents.
Id like to mention that girls express themselves according to their upbringing, Cultural norms and later on as they develop psychosexually.

I'm generally writing from my experiences, both as a kid and not, but I also want the story to be accessible to those who didn't have the same experiences, thus the changes for other folks to be able to follow.

JustLucky wrote:

One other thing and I dunno if its me noticing or imagining but a lot of these kids, especially Girls seemed really light in attention, simple praise and hugs.

A smile, nod or touch and they got clingy... easy enough to manage expectations with these tykes but after reading Mentor ........ Seems to be a fringe issue

The clinginess can be a real issue in real world kids, especially territorial kids, but that usually comes from privilege. A lot of poorer kids are used to sharing, even if they don't like it. Though, of course, some come aroundt the other way and are ferally territorial. I've been playing with an idea about that. Coming soon to future ideas.

kallisex wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

I have some catching up to do :-)
Someone mentioned earlier in regards to tasting pussy on lips that lip kisses are an adult more than tween or teen thing with parents.
Id like to mention that girls express themselves according to their upbringing, Cultural norms and later on as they develop psychosexually.

I'm generally writing from my experiences, both as a kid and not, but I also want the story to be accessible to those who didn't have the same experiences, thus the changes for other folks to be able to follow.

Explains the heart and soul in the writing, something I connect with as a Dad.

kallisex wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

One other thing and I dunno if its me noticing or imagining but a lot of these kids, especially Girls seemed really light in attention, simple praise and hugs.

A smile, nod or touch and they got clingy... easy enough to manage expectations with these tykes but after reading Mentor ........ Seems to be a fringe issue

The clinginess can be a real issue in real world kids, especially territorial kids, but that usually comes from privilege. A lot of poorer kids are used to sharing, even if they don't like it. Though, of course, some come aroundt the other way and are ferally territorial. I've been playing with an idea about that. Coming soon to future ideas.

A teaser! lol
Cant wait

Those 2 are bad/good enough but adding Carol as a coconspirator?
He's well and truly screwed LOL

Love the Nicole POV!

(posted from Watching (N))

JustLucky wrote:

Those 2 are bad/good enough but adding Carol as a coconspirator?
He's well and truly screwed LOL

Love the Nicole POV!

(posted from Watching (N))

Carole does seem pretty amenable.

-Kalli

I suspect her Domme side enjoys the game, Hedonism has its perks

JustLucky wrote:

I suspect her Domme side enjoys the game, Hedonism has its perks

Carole is more of a power bottom than anything else. She's a people pleaser, though she has had to be a little more discerning and protective since becoming a mom.

-Kalli

kallisex wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

I suspect her Domme side enjoys the game, Hedonism has its perks

Carole is more of a power bottom than anything else. She's a people pleaser, though she has had to be a little more discerning and protective since becoming a mom.

-Kalli

Makes sense, its a good outlook and works well with the status quo.
Shes a Good Mum.

Introspection, that was deep :-)

(posted from What it)

JustLucky wrote:

Introspection, that was deep :-)

(posted from What it)

She's an intelligent teenage girl. She thinks about this stuff.

kallisex wrote:

JustLucky wrote:

Introspection, that was deep :-)

(posted from What it)

She's an intelligent teenage girl. She thinks about this stuff.

Yes she is, I wasnt expecting it though so Noice!

I used to tell my kids it was Soul searching and answers to the mysteries of the universe can be found within.

JustLucky wrote:

Yes she is, I wasnt expecting it though so Noice!

I used to tell my kids it was Soul searching and answers to the mysteries of the universe can be found within.

Sometimes it's fun, in stories, for kids to simply be objects, whether of desire, love, or lust. Sometimes it's fun for them to actually be people.

Thanks for your enthusiastic support. <3

-Kalli

A lil something for everyone :-)

kallisex, you might want to check with Eric to see what's going on, but somehow you've managed to get "Sick Day" and "Fever Dreams" available to all but they are after "Mowing the Lawn" which is still tagged 'PRM', so anyone trying to use the 'Next Chapter' button won't be able to beyond "Over the Phone".

TransSister wrote:

kallisex, you might want to check with Eric to see what's going on, but somehow you've managed to get "Sick Day" and "Fever Dreams" available to all but they are after "Mowing the Lawn" which is still tagged 'PRM', so anyone trying to use the 'Next Chapter' button won't be able to beyond "Over the Phone".

My PRMs have been messy lately, which is why I was asking about what time zone the Pub is in. There was only one day left, so I went ahead and made 'mowing the lawn' public, which should fix it.

Thank you, as always, for your tireless work behind the scenes, TransSister.

-Kalli