Shed Rats
by CreepyUnclePete
Item Information Page
Table of Contents

 

Shed Rats

(Serial / Novel - In Progress)



Rated X
Originally Posted on: 2023-10-18
Last Updated on: 2026-07-27
Genre(s): Drama , Mystery
Code(s) Used: ny
Pairings Used: No pairs yet.
Total Downloads: 536
Units in Item: 3
Median Download Count: 45
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Something keeps stealing Andy's sunflower seed. Does he have rats? Mice? Nuisance squirrels?
Nope!
Imagine his surprise, when he discovers a pair of girls living in his tool shed.
- - - - -
No sex in the first chapter. Codes will be updated as I post more. Thanks to an anonymous friend, who gave me rough drafts of the first 2 chapters and permission to publish them.

The entire thread can be found here
2023-Oct-19 @ 7:59 AM
Bridget
Barmaid
Member since 2006-Sep-9
Posts: 919

Shed Rats

Something keeps stealing Andy's sunflower seed. Does he have rats?
Nuisance squirrels?

Nope.

Imagine his surprise, when he discovers two homeless girls living in his tool shed.
- - - - -
No sex in the first chapter. Codes will be updated as I post more. Thanks to an anonymous friend, who gave me rough drafts of the first 2 chapters and permission to publish them.


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2026-Jul-25 @ 8:11 AM
JustLucky
Wasted
Member since 2021-Oct-11
Posts: 139

Pretty good!
Im enjoying this a lot

(posted from Chapter 1)


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2026-Jul-28 @ 9:55 AM
JustLucky
Wasted
Member since 2021-Oct-11
Posts: 139

Damned good deal :-)
Brilliant work!

(posted from Chapter 3)


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2026-Jul-28 @ 7:51 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 132

Is this a re-post. I remember reading this story before.
I do absolutely love the characterization. The story concept is simply outstanding. Sissy being 25 seems a bit of  a stretch, she talks and acts a bit more like a traumatized teenager, maybe 16-18 or so. A 15 year old even a destitute one with a bad attitude can find a job especially if she is pretty.  It would also be nice if as he starts to interact with them we get a little more re-informant of which one is which. a bit more physical description with the name to lock in which character is which, had to go back and reread to figure out that Sissy is the 25 year old and Sherie is the 12.

(posted from Chapter 1)


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2026-Jul-28 @ 8:00 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 132

Forget my comment on the older one being 25.. just finished my re-read of Chapter 1... didn't realize they were mother and daughter. so the age makes sense.. however.. we now have the issue of Sherry calling her mommy "Sissy," when he is watching them on camera earlier.  Even if they are pretending to being sisters, when they are alone with no reason to think someone is watching, i would think Sherry would call her Mommy.

in fact I don't think it gets mentioned that they are mother and daugher to the last few paragrpahs.

(posted from Chapter 1)


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2026-Jul-29 @ 7:02 AM
CreepyUnclePete
Contributor
Member since 2023-Jan-13
Posts: 42

I did a major re-write a few days ago. The mom is now 23, called "Sissy" because her real name is Cecelia, which I reveal in chapter 4 tomorrow.

Sherry is almost 12. Doing the math, it's easy to tell their backstory is quite disturbing.

Chapter 5 should be ready in the next week or three.

Please keep reading and commenting. I really appreciate it!


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2026-Jul-29 @ 6:55 PM
abaddon.pale
Contributor
Member since 2018-Sep-11
Posts: 132

CreepyUnclePete wrote:

I did a major re-write a few days ago. The mom is now 23, called "Sissy" because her real name is Cecelia, which I reveal in chapter 4 tomorrow.

Sherry is almost 12. Doing the math, it's easy to tell their backstory is quite disturbing.

Chapter 5 should be ready in the next week or three.

Please keep reading and commenting. I really appreciate it!

I have read up to chapter 2 and will continue.. I do LOVE the story and it's concept. I even like the MC when normally I am adverse to the "To Nice" MCs because in RL women do not really respond well to guys who are too passive about what they really want. In the case of this story and the trauma the girls carry it's understandable.  Though the "She is too young for sex," thought should be tempered ( even in this MC's mind ) by the fact it's clear she has already had it even if it was forced on her.  But I'm sure the precocious little lady will get what she wants big_smile..

My main Suggestion:
in Chapter 1.. the fact that they are Mom and Daughter is just sort of Dropped and instantly accepted by MC... now What! moment?  With no clue prior to that that they are mother and daughter. 
I would recommend:
A) when the first conflict ariases and Sissie leaves and the Daughter stays... before she leave.. "your my daughter, your comeing!" ... "Mom, i'm staying we are safe here."  then MC and daugher can have a brief talk about if later.. letting MC have for knowledge. but still keep it vague as during this time Sally is still warming up to him and their interactions are limited.  Maybe she shuts down when he asks about it and he drops it to not driver her further away.
or
B) when the BOMB is dropped.. "Mom!.... " have MC be shocked and flustered by this.. Sure it makes sense in hindsight but he should have ( and the reader ) some reaction.  The way it is currently presented its like we should have already known. I had to re-read a bit to make sure I didn't miss something.

Just my thoughts... as always.. your story... you do you.


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2026-Jul-30 @ 1:26 AM
CreepyUnclePete
Contributor
Member since 2023-Jan-13
Posts: 42

Thanks for the suggestions, so much!

Unfortunately, chapter 4 will be delayed a bit, family health issues.


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Shed Rats
by CreepyUnclePete
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Shed Rats
by CreepyUnclePete
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