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I found this for the most part good. You slipped out of prose for the last two verses though, that is the only big thing to jump out at me.
As a whole though, I found it to be fairly good, keep up the work.
(posted from Chapter 1)
I actually wrote it while standing around at work...I am starting a new Job soon, which will keep me away from home often, and have been trying to decide whether or not to ask out a girl I have had feelings for since we worked together...
(posted from the Item Information Page)