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Joe learns what his mother has really been doing to earn her income, and now he has to decide what to do about it.
Please read and comment.
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i found these chapters a bit slow to start however got good real quick
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Started reading the chapters you had posted on ASSTR and got caught up in your web... When do you plan on completing this epic tome..
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*opens up "Pre-Planned Answers to Irksome Questions" by Black Rose, to page 6, to select his answer to this question...*
Eventually.
Net Wolf
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I'd like to point out two things:
If you hadn't read this story on some other website, and you read it here before um.... say Tuesday or so, then you'll need to re-read chapter 1, as I had uploaded an incomplete version.
If you haven't read the complete version of Chapter 1, you might want to do so soon... before I post Chapter 2.
Net Wolf
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Excellent chapter. Nice to see you back in full form Net Wolf. It's going to be interesting seeing what happens with Heidi.
(posted from Chapter 2)
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Chapter 2 was real nice keep upthe good work.
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This 3 chapter story was a very nice read however when i read the second chapter i thought that robert would have been more so in the picture raising problems for owr charecter's but I would recomended this story to any noobs to the reading of erotic storys.
(posted from Chapter 3)
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Like what? Blackmailers are only effective so long as what they're holding over their victim is more troublesome than what their victim has on them. If he does so much to them that they can get him sent to jail without revealing anything to the police, then he's toast. No, a blackmailer would try to be as invisible as possible... just always there, holding the information over their heads.
Plus, he's trying to run a business. Harassing them too much would impede their ability to perform, thus hindering his income.
Net Wolf
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kk I see ty
(posted from the Item Information Page)
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Hm. Is this the last chapter? Sort of anticlimactic if so.
(posted from Chapter 3)
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Um... how so? I never built this up to be a huge battle brewing... This is a typical 3-act story...
ACT I: Introduce the characters and the problem.
ACT II: Make the problem much worse.
ACT III: Resolve the problem and wrap up loose ends.
How is this anti-climactic? And, more to the point, what would you have done differently? As an author, I am extremely surprised that you gave this kind of "feedback" without making a suggestion for improvement...
Net Wolf
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The villain went down too easily. He didn't even APPEAR in part 3, much less do anything to prevent his defeat.
I'd have done several things differently.
1) Have him see his system is being hacked and hire someone to protect his system or at least do a trace. Heidi could mention countermeasures being put in place, but that she's still ahead of the game.
2) Extend Heidi's manipulations of the system. She and Joe should have sex BEFORE she completes her hacks.
3) Have the villain turn on his "employees." The feds could mention how he has accused Erica of various things.
4) Build up the tension when Erica talks to the feds. Don't offer her immunity straight off. Have the feds say they MIGHT be willing to offer immunity if she comes completely clean. Then they let her go home and stew over it. The story could then end with her telling everything and the feds offering immunity for her public testimony.
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I will grant you 1 & 3, though I don't believe they add anything to the story. #2 isn't feasible, because a) There's not more for her to do, and b) I cannot get into a detailed discussion of how she hacked his system, given that I am not a hacker, and don't know in detail what she would do to him. Also, given that this story is mostly about Joe and how his relationships evolve because of what's going on (something I obviously failed to portray adequately), having Heidi and him have sex before the issue was resolved would have been TRULY anti-climactic.
And #4 is simply an inaccurate way of portraying the Federal Bureau of Investigation. If she's not the fish they're after, they're not going to play mind games with her. If they are willing to offer her immunity to get the scumbag, there is NO LOGICAL REASON to make her wriggle on the hook. In a case such as this, the Feds would be more than happy to overlook the small fry in order to get to the big fish, and they would not play psychological games with their *witness*. It's counterproductive.
I suppose that I could have given Robert an extra day before the FBI showed up, and had Heidi and Joe watch him on her computer trying to get back in... but it would, in my opinion, have been a rather dull scene. As to having Robert start accusing his victims... Without corroborating evidence, the word of a newly-arrested and thus angry man would mean very little to the FBI. Plus, for the FBI to care, he'd have had to accuse them of federal crimes.
I guess the problem here is that you were focused on the crime, and I was focused on the people. To me, the actual climax of this story had nothing to do with Erica or the FBI. It had to do with Joe and Heidi. In my mind, this story was actually more about the relationships than the criminal activity. As such, I didn't try to dramatically drag out the criminal process, I handled it more realistically.
I freely admit this story is not a nail-biter. It was never intended to be, or it would be much longer. I actually considered the notion of turning it into a (very long) short story when I was finished, but decided it would confuse people who have been absent for a while, so I didn't. But I think if you view this story more as being about Joe than Erica, you may find that you feel somewhat different about it.
Of course, if you don't, there's nothing *I* can do about it.
Net Wolf
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I suppose that I feel there simply isn't enough conflict to drive this last chapter. Joe's relationship with Heidi flows smoothly. The bad guy is caught easily. Joe's sister mostly sulks in her room. The FBI offers Erica immunity. There aren't even any problems with Heidi's parents. After the great internal conflict in chapter 1 and the blackmail of chapter 2 it feels out of balance to me.
There's also the situation with Joe's sister that isn't resolved, but that's minor overall.
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I can't agree with J.A.W. I feel that the story was mainly about the relationships, and I very much enjoyed the way Net Wolf depicted them. On the whole, I found Caught in the Web an excellent story.
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Haven't read it yet . Will by the end of the week with commentary, if the river don't rise. (see? I can break grammer rules, I really can! ~to self: 'I will not edit, I will not edit, I will not edit, I will not edit...'~
-The N Storm
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wery nice novell
(posted from Chapter 3)
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This three chapter story is one of my top ten online although while reading it I would have suspected to hear more of an up roar from robert but then agian what do you get from a person blackmailing and running a illegal service.
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In some way I can agree with others that Robert was caught a little easy, but I disagree that it took anything away from the story. Of course I would have liked to see that his sister got over her jealousy, but I can understand that too. Another great story!
(posted from Chapter 3)
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People say Robert was caught easily... but no one has given a (viable) suggestion for what would have been better.
And for Jamie to get over her jealousy is going to take a lot longer than the scope of this story. Having her just suddenly be okay with things wouldn't be at all realistic.
But I'm glad you liked the story, despite these two sticking points.
Thanks for the feedback,
Eric Storm
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great story eric the fact that Robert was caught to easly i dont realy understand although i dont have any exp hacking either the only thing i would of wanted to see was if Erica got another job that is the whole reason why she was doing porn
(posted from the Item Information Page)
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If you're up against a serious, highly experienced hacker, You're toast. I am not one, but I know enough about computers to know that they can tear your life apart if they want to. Anyone living "online" leaves an electronic trail of crumbs unless they work damned hard to remove it. Heidi (was that her name, or was it Heather? Been a while...) was such an uber-hacker. For her, finding Robert was child's play, as it would be for anyone of her caliber.
Glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the feedback.
Eric Storm
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Very nice. A few more paragraphs with the sister either goes with threesome or gets over her secual attraction to her brother would have been nice.
B
(posted from Chapter 3)
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And if that's not what happened?
Eric Storm
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