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#1 2023-05-04 10:51:18

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 777
Website

Landons daughter

Landons daughter

A nine-year-old daughter finds her father doing somewhat questionable, personal things. The consequences are surprising.


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#2 2023-05-27 05:40:53

CreepyUnclePete
Inebriated
Registered: 2023-01-12
Posts: 11

Re: Landons daughter

Your story "Landon's Daughter" is quite exciting. Thank you for sharing your imagination.
I hope you won't mind a few corrections.
- In chapter 1 you should say "quickened" or "accelerated", instead of "fastened". "Fastened" means closed or attached. "He fastened the pages together with staples."
- In chapter 2 the girl would weigh 26 KILOGRAMS or KILOS, not 26 pounds.
Thanks again for they nice story,
CreepyUnclePete

(posted from Chapter 3 (Final))

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