The Pub Discussion Board
Get your favorite beverage, sit back, and join in the discussion
You are not logged in.
#1 2017-03-25 05:28:52
VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
The VCR: Chapter 1 School Days
Dave Sykes just bought a VCR and some porn tapes for one hundred dollars. Boy oh boy, did he get a bargain!
(This is the unedited first story in what, I hope, will become a series with each chapter being connected but also being a standalone story.)
Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide.
SITE CONTENT POLICY: The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content. No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner.
Offline
#2 2017-03-25 13:28:36
- thehilz
- Completely Blotto
- Registered: 2010-09-06
- Posts: 376
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
Man I need to get me some of those movies. Lol. Was an interesting read. Hope more will come soon.
Offline
#3 2017-03-30 06:22:11
- Eric Storm
- Pub Owner
- From: New Port Richey, FL
- Registered: 2006-09-12
- Posts: 5919
- Website
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
A fun little story. Certainly allows for a whole slew of varied little vignettes all in one. Made me interested enough to want to see the next installment.
There were some mechanics issues (typos, spelling, grammar, etc.), but not enough to really detract from the story itself. I'd point them out for you, but that would slow me down even further on my own writing. :-S
The only part I wasn't overly happy with was the whole "she kicked me out with nothing but the shirt on my back" bit. It's too cliched. Also, if they had enough money for her to get a "really good lawyer", then he'd have had a decent job and would have been able to afford a nice apartment fairly quickly. (Payday Advance loan, if nothing else, would have gotten him the money he needed...) It also implies that the guy doesn't have a single good friend whose couch he could have crashed on for a few days. But, unless the wife or girls are going to play into the story in future chapters, it's not really important.
Anyway, as a XXX story, it was good. It aroused me and kept me interested. So where's the next chapter, huh? Huh? Huh?
Eric Storm
(posted from Chapter 1)
Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Facebook page
Offline
#4 2022-06-20 02:32:31
- daves.not.here
- Inebriated
- From: South Florida
- Registered: 2007-06-15
- Posts: 36
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
Great story! I loved the story setup idea. You should really continue this series!
Thanks
(posted from Chapter 1)
Offline
#5 2024-09-18 15:28:57
- Drewski
- Tipsy
- Registered: 2024-07-19
- Posts: 2
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
WOW! Incredibly creative and imaginative! This writer could easily write an entire novel with this being his first chapter. The part where he actually buys the videos and player could be the prologue.
To be more on a safer side, maybe the school could be an all girl's/women's college. There are still virgin college girls out there, especially rich, spoiled, daddy's little girls, and very Catholic.
If this person continues to write I will be watching for their work in the future.
Erotic material aside, the story has very good structure and excellent content. A perfect depiction of an actual porno movie.
In 1 word: Excellent!
(posted from Chapter 1)
Offline