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#1 2007-12-27 11:09:42

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 592
Website

Cruel Summer

Cruel Summer

Angela was an average suburban 18-year-old. Just graduated from high school, facing her last summer of freedom before an uncertain and unplanned future. Then a man she knew only through Internet chat gave her an amazing gift, and in it Angela found her calling.

But fate seems determined to pick on the naive teen as she struggles to cope with the mysterious and unpredictable energy now coursing through her. She soon finds herself at the mercy of bad luck and nefarious characters. Can an ordinary teenage girl harness an extraordinary force and triumph over adversity? Will she find her place in the world, or is she doomed to fall victim to the dark forces closing in around her?


Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide.

SITE CONTENT POLICY:  The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content.  No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner.

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#2 2007-12-27 11:13:00

Imagineer
Wasted
From: Oak Valley
Registered: 2006-11-27
Posts: 214

Re: Cruel Summer

To those who come to Cruel Summer after reading my shorter (and newer) works, an explanation may be helpful.

Sapphire was hatched in the summer of 2001, and Cruel Summer chapters were published sporadically over the next two years. It's not the first thing I ever wrote, but it's close.

I started writing because no one had written the story I wanted to read. Isn't that why everyone does it?

When I started, what I wanted to read was porn -- the perfect little lingerie superheroine ingenue porn. Wait, what?

Before the Internet, before cable, there was the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and there was Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. A young boy has no idea why these two things hold such a fascination, but there's something different about these particular females...

Later (but still before the Internet), there was an issue of one of the many X-Men titles with a stunning full-page panel of The White Queen, a dangerous villainess dressed in a white bustier, panties, stockings, and heels. I only remember this comic now, years later, and only vaguely at that, but there's no doubt it's responsible for catalyzing those two pre-pubescent curiosities.

Fast-forward to the turn of the century: A certain subset of mind-control fiction finds a young woman's defenses gradually worn down, dooming/gifting her with overwhelming pleasure. It's a dark form of a naive wonder that's too easily lost with experience. Superheroine peril fiction passes through similar territory from a different direction. It's Sears lingerie and lovely Lynda again. Search engines turn up zero stories that combine these two, um, interests. Eventually, boredom beseeches you to make up your own.

Both kinds of stories tended to be one-shot affairs, lacking continuity. But after you've combined these disparate-but-not-really influences and put your lingerie superheroine ingenue into a fine erotic mess, a little voice asks, "what happens the next morning?" So you trot your plaything out for another round, and contrivance begets further contrivance, and somewhere along the way, the story you want to read changed...

...and your perfect little lingerie superheroine ingenue porn became something more ambitious.

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#3 2007-12-27 22:56:36

SteelRage
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-08
Posts: 18

Re: Cruel Summer

Good start, I can't wait for more. Sorta reminds me of the old series 'Real American Superhero'.

(posted from 04. Sapphire Protection)


SteelRage

....wow, this is the best I can come up with

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#4 2008-01-27 22:04:57

SteelRage
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-08
Posts: 18

Re: Cruel Summer

Interesting end, I like it...So anyways, get busy and do some more writing. lol.

(posted from 44. Sapphire Resolved)


SteelRage

....wow, this is the best I can come up with

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#5 2008-01-31 21:57:26

megamaster87
Tipsy
Registered: 2008-01-30
Posts: 6

Re: Cruel Summer

Awesome story.  Started reading it, only to find I couldn't stop.  One question though...
Angela had to take her crystals off and keep them in the dark, how did Val do that if they were welded on?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#6 2008-02-03 09:49:51

Imagineer
Wasted
From: Oak Valley
Registered: 2006-11-27
Posts: 214

Re: Cruel Summer

Glad you enjoyed the story. One of these days I'll actually start writing the third book.
Your question is answered here so I don't have to be careful 3dsmile

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#7 2008-09-14 20:57:56

iccrmmkr
Inebriated
Registered: 2008-05-02
Posts: 18

Re: Cruel Summer

Wow, quite possibly an equal to camp (my favorite story on here) Very well written story Possibly publishable as well. A bit confusing at times I admit, but at the end it all makes sense.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#8 2021-06-10 14:54:06

Rearaxle
Tipsy
Registered: 2021-04-15
Posts: 8

Re: Cruel Summer

I'll apologize first.  I can't read anymore of this.  I got to Chapter 5, but the main character is so stupid and careless, it insults my intelligence.
I entirely realize that this is fiction.  But it has to be believable.
  This girl is gifted with this incredible power and for the next three chapters, finds a way through shear stupidity and carelessness to loose one gem after another.  I know children that are more responsible.
  The main character rarely make new mistakes.  It's the same mistakes over and over.  No one is that dumb.  Squirrels can, through trial and error.  Find their way through a maze.
Young women, fresh out of high school. Join the military and demonstrate pose, confidence and the ability to adapt. This eighteen year old girl can't figure out her wardrobe issues.
Even is the realm of fiction.  The story still needs to have  quality and be believable.

Again, I apologize. But to my defense. I deleted most of my message so not to appear unkind. But, I will not lie or sugarcoat how I feel.  That would be entirely disingenuous.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#9 2021-06-10 22:03:02

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5180
Website

Re: Cruel Summer

Rearaxle wrote:

I'll apologize first.  I can't read anymore of this.  I got to Chapter 5, but the main character is so stupid and careless, it insults my intelligence.
I entirely realize that this is fiction.  But it has to be believable.
  This girl is gifted with this incredible power and for the next three chapters, finds a way through shear stupidity and carelessness to loose one gem after another.  I know children that are more responsible.
  The main character rarely make new mistakes.  It's the same mistakes over and over.  No one is that dumb.  Squirrels can, through trial and error.  Find their way through a maze.
Young women, fresh out of high school. Join the military and demonstrate pose, confidence and the ability to adapt. This eighteen year old girl can't figure out her wardrobe issues.
Even is the realm of fiction.  The story still needs to have  quality and be believable.

Again, I apologize. But to my defense. I deleted most of my message so not to appear unkind. But, I will not lie or sugarcoat how I feel.  That would be entirely disingenuous.

(Quoted so the poster cannot delete it.)

The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide wrote:

Do not even comment on a story if you didn't like it. If you are of such a mindset that the story didn't even make you want to continue it, your criticism will never come out constructively. Just move on.

The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide wrote:

Do make sure that you tell an author what you liked about their work. If it is at all possible, you should have at least one positive statement for each negative comment.

The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide wrote:

The Sandwich Technique: Begin and end all critiques with good, supportive, encouraging words. Put your negative comments in between these. This puts the author in the right frame of mind to accept your suggestions in the beginning, and it wraps up by reminding him or her what they have done right, as well as reminding them that you enjoyed the story.

Three separate critiquing guide violations in one post.  Damn, that's impressive.

You didn't say a single thing that was actually helpful to an author.  NOT ONE.  All you did was whine and complain.  You gave NO input as to how to FIX THE PROBLEMS YOU SAW.

Now, to the substance of your complaint (I refuse to call it a critique):  You are, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, completely and totally off-base.  I admit, I have not read the story, so I am going only on what you have written here, regarding "teenagers".

* I have personally known girls (and guys), when I was a teenager, who were the level of dumb that you wonder how they survived to be that age.  Do you not watch YouTube?  Are you completely unaware of things like the "Tide Pods Challenge"?  How many teenagers did you know who were pissed that they failed a test that they didn't study for... only to not study for the next test, either?  Hell, how many ADULTS do you know who, every weekend, go out and get shit-faced, sick drunk, and wind up with a "wish I was dead" hangover the next day... only to go out and do it all over again the next weekend?  People do NOT always learn from their mistakes.

* NO, not everyone is "all put together" when they're eighteen.  Certainly, some 18yo's are mature enough to handle life in the "real world".  Most are not.  Most 18yo's have not had any real preparation for what's out there.  They've been given no responsibility before, they've often not been held accountable for what they do in any serious way, and they haven't even been educated on the basics needed for survival outside of Mom & Dad's safety umbrella.  It is far more common for an 18yo to be a nitwit than to be filled with poise, confidence, and the ability to adapt.

* Not sure exactly what is meant by "wardrobe issues", but eighteen-year-old girls are prone to going through their entire wardrobe to find the right outfit for an event.  Hell, some of them will do it just to go out in public.  For some people, especially women, this is a very important issue.  I haven't personally known a girl like this, but this is a common trope FOR A REASON.

In other words, your complaints are as dumb as the girl in the story allegedly is.  You didn't like the story: there's nothing wrong with that.  You telling the author you didn't like the story:  Why does he need that information?  There's nothing he can do with that knowledge.  All you have done (if Imagineer ever comes back and reads this) is potentially make the author feel bad.  That's not a worthwhile activity.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#10 2021-06-11 03:30:05

frodfy
Tipsy
Registered: 2017-03-06
Posts: 3

Re: Cruel Summer

I remember this story. And I really liked it. Couldn't finish reading because life can be a bitch sometimes.
As for the wardrobe issue, it wasn't easily fixable. The female MC has jewelry which gives her superpower in acordance to the amount of skin she exposes. And it also tears the seams of any clothes that cover her private parts. So all the clothes she uses with the jewelry can't be wore again.

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#11 2021-06-11 21:27:52

Rearaxle
Tipsy
Registered: 2021-04-15
Posts: 8

Re: Cruel Summer

For whatever it is worth.  I did apologize beforehand.
Twice no less.
No word has ever been written that everyone could agree upon.
Furthermore, praise without criticism is pointless. Life doesn't give us participation trophy's. If a writer is to submit their work here but readers are not allowed to criticize. Then what would be learned?  Pat you on the back and say "good job".  Only criticism reveals what you as a writer cannot see.  The simple act to have someone other then yourself. Proof read your material, proves my point.  I learned years ago, that the closer to get to something.  The less you can see.  It's difficult to move back far enough to gain the perspective needed to be unbiased from one's own work.
The one thing that life does teach us is, "criticism often hurts". You can sugar coat it with praise and "sandwich" the criticism in between positive reinforcement.  It's still criticism and it sucks.  It's supposed to suck. If it didn't suck then it would just be phony praise.  Which is even worse! Who likes to be patronized.  I have never learned anything by being patronized. 
I am not going to categorically defend each challenge to my opinion. For they are simple opinions. Those opinions were in regard to a problem I see in this story.  What is disappointing (at least for me),is that the story is an excellent concept.  I really liked the plot line being from a gamers perspective. I have no issues whatsoever with the authors style or vocabulary.  The story seemed current and not outdated or irrelevant. Getting into the first chapter.  I was looking forward to where this story would take the reader.  I began to see an issue (for me) in the main character around Chapter three.  Perceptions, expectations and actions were not creating a believable story (for me).  Perhaps in my previous comment, I could have been more eloquent. I could not get around the two words, stupid and dumb in an effort to describe the behavior of the MC. Ignorant or na├»ve just didn't fit. People often misuse these words to their true and unique meanings. The hole in the story was that this character (from my point of view) failed to have any quality required to be chosen as a Superhero. I cannot guess what the author was thinking here. Perhaps this was the goal. To upset or frustrate the reader with a character that failed at the most basic and elementary expectations. I don't happen to believe that this was intentional by the author.  You would be suggesting that the author is extremely experienced in leading the reader somewhere they were not expecting.  Or that the author is simply a genius.
We read stories to be taken on a journey.  By the 5th chapter, I no longer wished to be invested in this character.  Not the story, but the main character. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the author created a character that demonstrated epically poor judgement, and carelessness.
I just didn't want to read anymore about this character's mistakes and failures in judgement.  I find it difficult to believe that this would be the authors goal.

If you have a problem with my opinion and feel the need to comment. Would it not be wise to read the story first. At least to develop your own opinion based on anything other than assumptions based on the opinions of others.

  I have no plans to ever offer criticism in the future.  It's counterproductive and causes more trouble than it's worth. Along with that, I will not offer praise either. One is worthless without the other.  Free speech has no administrator. Should it not be up to this author to decide whether they are offended. Or whether they may appreciate this criticism.  After all, it is their work we are talking about and I'm sure they are more than capable of speaking for themselves.
I find it hard to believe that my criticism of a character would warrant such a lengthy rebuttal. Simple because I referred to the character as dumb or stupid. We are talking about a fictional character here that demonstrated those tendencies. Tendencies that damaged this characters creditability. Which (for me) ruined the story concept.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#12 2021-06-12 05:49:58

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5180
Website

Re: Cruel Summer

Rearaxle wrote:

For whatever it is worth.  I did apologize beforehand.
Twice no less.

Which only proves that you knew that what you were doing was wrong when you did it.  Repentance means nothing when you then proceed to commit the sin afterwards.

Furthermore, praise without criticism is pointless.

So... this post by you about Potential, and this post by you about Gaming For Love, were both pointless?  They praise the author without any criticism whatsoever.

Frankly this is perhaps the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen written here.  It certainly rates in the top five.  Either you have never put your creative endeavors out there for others to see, or you are so incredibly, arrogantly self-confident that you don't need positive reinforcement.  Got news for you:  The rest of us DO.  People telling us authors, "I love what you did!" may not make us better authors, but it will make us happier, more willing authors.  Maybe you haven't figured this out:  Most Internet authors post stories for fun.

That said, I did not tell you not to offer criticism, though it is typical of what people like you willfully misinterpret me to have said.  I told you there was a METHOD FOR DOING SO that was specified for this website, that you violated.  As I said, what you offered was not criticism, it was a complaint.

The interesting part is that this post by you about Heirloom, and this post by you, about A Means to An End(http://www.wolfpub.org/forum/viewtopic. … 732#p16732) both follow the Critiquing Guide fairly well, which means you're perfectly capable of doing so...

If a writer is to submit their work here but readers are not allowed to criticize. Then what would be learned?

What is learned when all you do is tell the author what you believe they did wrong without offering any suggestion for fixing the problem?  All you did was whine.  You didn't offer ANY help.

The one thing that life does teach us is, "criticism often hurts". You can sugar coat it with praise and "sandwich" the criticism in between positive reinforcement.  It's still criticism and it sucks.  It's supposed to suck. If it didn't suck then it would just be phony praise.  Which is even worse! Who likes to be patronized.  I have never learned anything by being patronized.

So you are incapable of offering positive reinforcement without being patronizing?  Wow, talk about limited communication ability.

You pooh-pooh the idea of offering praise along with criticism, which just shows you haven't the faintest understanding of how to properly communicate ideas to people.  I really hope you're not a manager of people "in real life".

If you cannot find something to sincerely praise an author about in their story, but you have all these specific, heavy, negative comments... then why the hell are you reading the story?  You call it "sugar coating", but the fact is, it affects the author's state of mind.  If all you tell a person is, "You did this, this, this, and this wrong," then they are going to feel like you hated the story.  If you did hate the story... they don't need to know that, ever.  You can express that particular opinion by simply not continuing to read the story.

If, however, you present to the author, "I loved how you had the main character do..., and the setting for such-and-such was brilliant...  But when we got to chapter 2, the main character did this, and it really kind of threw me.  I think it would have worked better if you'd had the main character do this, instead..."  There is a tonal difference to the message, which imparts a psychological difference to the author.  One of them reads as condemnation.  The other reads as suggestion. 

We read stories to be taken on a journey.  By the 5th chapter, I no longer wished to be invested in this character.  Not the story, but the main character. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the author created a character that demonstrated epically poor judgement, and carelessness.
I just didn't want to read anymore about this character's mistakes and failures in judgement.  I find it difficult to believe that this would be the authors goal.

Perhaps you should read the post directly above yours.  You know, the one by the person who said they liked the story?  Just because YOU had a problem, doesn't automatically mean the story did.  This is another point made in the critiquing guide:  Your problems with a story are your problems, and should be expressed as such.  You expressed your criticisms as absolutes.

If you have a problem with my opinion and feel the need to comment. Would it not be wise to read the story first. At least to develop your own opinion based on anything other than assumptions based on the opinions of others.

No.  Because the story is completely irrelevant to my comments.  My comments were about your post, and how your post violates the rules of this website.  Rules YOU AGREED TO ABIDE BY.  I do not know - nor do I care - if the story is complete and total garbage.  That is not the nature of how I moderate this website.  What I do care about, is that your post was complete and total garbage.

I have no plans to ever offer criticism in the future.  It's counterproductive and causes more trouble than it's worth. Along with that, I will not offer praise either.

Is this supposed to bum me out or in some way make me feel bad?  The damage you do with a post like this one so vastly outweighs your well-crafted posts that this is a net plus for the website.


One is worthless without the other.

Funny you should say this, given that there wasn't any praise in your initial post.

Free speech has no administrator. Should it not be up to this author to decide whether they are offended. Or whether they may appreciate this criticism.  After all, it is their work we are talking about and I'm sure they are more than capable of speaking for themselves.

Wow, you really don't understand the concept of this message board, do you?  First, you do not have full free speech here.  I have stated that right up front:  Flaming, spamming, abusive behavior, are all prohibited.  Second, NO, it should not be up to the author to decide.  The author should not have to deal with your abuse in the first place.  If I let you - or anyone else - do it to this author, then you'll feel emboldened to do it to other authors, and sorry to inform you, but a great many Internet authors are not self-confident enough to endure the kind of negative sludge you just hurled.  My job is to protect THEM, not your freedom of speech.

And, let me be clear, what you are being yelled at for here is called flaming an author.  You complained, but gave no positive feedback, and no constructive criticism.  (Constructive criticism, since you apparently need a definition, is criticism accompanied by suggestions for correction.)

I find it hard to believe that my criticism of a character would warrant such a lengthy rebuttal. Simple because I referred to the character as dumb or stupid. We are talking about a fictional character here that demonstrated those tendencies. Tendencies that damaged this characters creditability. Which (for me) ruined the story concept.

I find it hard to believe you think that calling the character stupid had anything to do with why I yelled at you.  I don't give a flying fuck if you called the character a retarded moldy walnut.  What I do care about is that your post, as a whole, contained not a single piece of positive feedback, that you offered no suggestions for fixing what you saw was wrong... and that you made it clear you didn't enjoy the story enough to continue reading it, yet still commented on it, which is a clear violation of the critiquing guide.

I included my rebuttal of your points to show that not only were you in violation of the rules, but that your points weren't logically valid, either.  Again, aimed more at the author community than at you, because, I'll be blunt, I don't give a shit whether I am able to educate you or not.  My primary concern is the authors who post here.  It always has been, it always will be.  If you don't like that, there's the door.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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