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#1 2021-09-11 03:06:10

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 610
Website

Watching Susie

Watching Susie

Look!  Up in the sky!

With a sizzle, boom, and flash a young man's life is forever changed


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#2 2021-09-11 03:09:23

Pleidius
Inebriated
From: Minnesota
Registered: 2021-06-09
Posts: 52

Re: Watching Susie

Something I wrote a few years ago.
Looking forward to your comments


If you're prepared to face the consequences, go ahead . . .

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#3 2021-09-12 19:43:52

sermona
Inebriated
Registered: 2019-02-18
Posts: 28

Re: Watching Susie

l like the mysterious faction. Makes a great suspense.  Can't wait to read more.

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#4 2021-09-24 10:15:23

sermona
Inebriated
Registered: 2019-02-18
Posts: 28

Re: Watching Susie

For me this chapter was a bit of anticlimax. the solution for the military seems rather rashly.
but i wonder whats the greater scheem/agende of the wachters. are the watchers realy that 'good'?

(posted from XI)

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#5 2021-10-15 22:05:46

StormShaddow
Tipsy
Registered: 2020-04-19
Posts: 5

Re: Watching Susie

this is a great story I can't wait for more.

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#6 2022-02-15 20:26:33

Zmaybe
Inebriated
From: Phoenix AZ
Registered: 2021-06-27
Posts: 37

Re: Watching Susie

Thank you for the fun story.  The recent chapters made me think and not all authors can do that, I am kind of dense sometimes.  Thanks again for sharing your imagination.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#7 2022-02-17 18:31:14

Pleidius
Inebriated
From: Minnesota
Registered: 2021-06-09
Posts: 52

Re: Watching Susie

Chapters eighteen through twenty started out as one chapter then grew like some literary crabgrass as I was proofreading . . .


If you're prepared to face the consequences, go ahead . . .

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#8 2022-02-17 20:25:26

Lacyann
Inebriated
From: Colorado
Registered: 2020-03-31
Posts: 14

Re: Watching Susie

Very interesting 3 chapter, am wondering if John's little problem is due to the connection to his sister in some weird way. Also it could be just the stress of the whole situation of the trauma of being kidnapped and having that noise in her head for two weeks

But good three chapters and waiting for more

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#9 2022-02-18 14:42:27

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 31

Re: Watching Susie

Just finished the last 4 chapters. I don't know why I didn't see it coming.Reminds me of an old Twilight episode, maybe two of them. Aliens give powers to a mere mortal and watches to see what happens. Please continue

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#10 2022-03-03 20:47:55

swgman
Tipsy
Registered: 2022-02-25
Posts: 1

Re: Watching Susie

I read every word of your story with great interest.  Your writing is very good and holds the reader's interest well.  I wondered how you'd end it.  The last sentence says it all.  There;s no reason to expand on anything beyond that.  Great job!!!

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#11 2022-03-03 21:21:27

Pleidius
Inebriated
From: Minnesota
Registered: 2021-06-09
Posts: 52

Re: Watching Susie

swgman wrote:

. . . I wondered how you'd end it.  The last sentence says it all.  There;s no reason to expand on anything beyond that.  Great job!!!

(posted from the Item Information Page)

I have been struggling with the next chapter for a while now, intending to end it in a two or three chapters.  I think you might have spotted my problem.  I was trying to add to a finished story.  Thank you for your comment.


If you're prepared to face the consequences, go ahead . . .

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#12 2022-03-04 11:10:02

sermona
Inebriated
Registered: 2019-02-18
Posts: 28

Re: Watching Susie

stopping there would be a good open end.
i liked the story.
take your time if you want to continue.
maybe in the futer you have an idea for a second 'book'.

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