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#1 2012-10-13 22:50:00
Selling school girls
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#2 2012-10-29 11:01:44
- xtertristl
- Tipsy
- Registered: 2011-11-06
- Posts: 2
Re: Selling school girls
I like the title of the story and it intrigued me into reading it. I'm a little confused at why the neighbor would go over to Ryan's house and offer to prostitute herself, younger sister and several friends. The lack of plausibility in this story breaks it for me. Maybe you could try working on building up your characters a little more to make it more believable that the 19 dancer would go ask a 24 virgin for sex between herself and her entourage to help pay for a trip. for ex. if the neighbor and John talked every night after work and one night it turned into more. Then have her have some money issues that lead her to pimp herself to John. Then have her introduce her younger sister and cheerleading friends.
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#3 2012-11-01 21:14:02
- Elessar
- Completely Blotto
- Registered: 2009-10-28
- Posts: 397
Re: Selling school girls
This isn't a bad story. I agree with Xtertristl about his view. I mean it's not plausible for something such as that to happen. There was not story line, the sex was like 1 paragraph if that, the fact they just happened to pick the right guy to pimp them is like, yeah right.
Personally, it's okay, but if you spent more time on it, it would have been a lot better.
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