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#1 2012-08-14 21:56:23

Admin
God
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 489
Website

Gods, The

The Gods

Zeus makes a vassal of a Sanitation worker from Harlem, New York, changing his life and hopefully with Hera's help changing Zeus once and for all!!

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#2 2012-08-15 03:37:38

lerris
Inebriated
From: Huntsville
Registered: 2008-12-07
Posts: 41

Re: Gods, The

They seem to be a little short, and they kinda feel a little like you are trying to rush the story. But overall very interesting start, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them!

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#3 2012-08-15 08:55:35

HJP1993
Inebriated
From: Baytown, Texas
Registered: 2008-01-06
Posts: 15

Re: Gods, The

I agree with lerris, they are quite short and feel rushed. Take a little time, add some more details, such as what they look like. And why did Zeus choose a vassal, let alone some sanitation worker? Just trying to be constructive sorry if it sounds rude. If you haven't already read a few of the other stories on this site and see how much detail has been placed into the stories, I would also suggest that you brush up on the backgrounds of the Gods he will eventually talk to, if you have not already. Again NOT trying to sound rude, and I'm not an author so my opinion probably does not carry much weight, but I think this is a nice story that could work out really well.

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#4 2012-08-15 14:39:59

lordanubis
Inebriated
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 12

Re: Gods, The

Thank you, I know the first few chapters are short, the next one is much longer and I go into a lot more detail. I also explain why he was chosen later in the story. The first 2 chapters I really should have just included them in the prologue, not sure why I didn't! lol

Lord Anubis

(posted from the Item Information Page)


LordAnubis

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#5 2012-08-16 15:40:37

Esuvia
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-07-11
Posts: 17

Re: Gods, The

While this story is very interesting and rely captivating it is a shame it is so short. If you were to increase the size of you're chapters it would be a more pleasant read and i would be your number one fan. ^^

(posted from Chapter 2)

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#6 2012-08-16 16:16:41

lordanubis
Inebriated
Registered: 2007-09-12
Posts: 12

Re: Gods, The

Thank you. I just finished chapter 3 and posted it. I about to start typing out chapter 4. The chapters are getting longer. I am glad you are enjoying my book.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


LordAnubis

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#7 2012-08-21 17:28:23

lerris
Inebriated
From: Huntsville
Registered: 2008-12-07
Posts: 41

Re: Gods, The

It seems to me that if you would wait a bit longer between posting chapters you could condense quite a bit of it together. Like chapter 3 and 4 meeting Becky, buying the home, running errands you are going into more detail and making the individual chapters longer but it seems to me that all of that didn't need to be two chapters it would have flowed better as one. Still it seems very interesting still and would love to see where it goes.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them!

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#8 2012-10-14 16:09:06

daishod
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-03-28
Posts: 10

Re: Gods, The

good story but too short, you need to work on the length, don't be afraid of writing lol, those of us who read won't mind it being longer.

(posted from Chapter 4)

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#9 2012-10-14 17:43:11

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 3652
Website

Re: Gods, The

daishod wrote:

good story but too short, you need to work on the length, don't be afraid of writing lol, those of us who read won't mind it being longer.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your comment, but this seems like a very odd thing to say about a story that's still in progress.

Eric Storm


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