The Pub Discussion Board

Great series. Hope you continue it.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Good work on the story Veritas. looks very promising. Still reading chapter 2. so I don't know if the character realizes he's a vampire later, but I gotta say that I like the mystery surrounding it. Though if I could make a suggestion, I think it would be better without the prologue. Chapter 2 makes a great opening to the story, very mysterious, and I think it would be more exciting if we discover the story and along with the character, instead of being given information he himself doesn't know. Don't know if it would interfere with your plans for the story, like if you wanted to have the enemy shown plotting against the character unknown to him, but I think it would be more logical since the story is told from the 1st person perspective, and would get the readers to connect more to the main character.

Been also checking out your other stories and they all seem promising, so I hope to see more of your work soon.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Also laughed at the sparkle part. Though to be honest there was a part I had a problem with, and that was when Des figures out that he's a vampire. A  lot of authors have difficulty with this part (having the main character figure out that he's special). Don't really know how I would have done it any different, and I guess it was important to the flow of the story that he figure it out early, but the way he just figured it out was kind of illogical and contrived. I mean going by his thoughts, it doesn't look like vampires are a common sight in the world, so as far as he's concerned, vampires are mythical creatures, and he had very little to go on, other than healing and a lust for blood, and a few small things, so it was kind of weird that he would jump to the conclusion that he was a vampire. Hell, he could have have thought he was a werewolf, or a hundred other things before landing on vampire.

Sorry if I seemed to ramble on, just wanted to go into as much detail as possible in order to fully explain my reasoning, hope it didn't come off as if I was flaming you or something. Like I said, many (if not most) authors I've read also have problems with this part, and I'm not sure how I could have done it any better either. As a whole, the story is great, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Keep up the good work.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

sorry, I had read the story yesterday, and then posted the comment today, so I might have gotten mixed up a bit on the details. I thought he figured out he was a vampire before seeing the fangs.