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- It has come to the attention of our guild leaders that there are a number of members who could use some additional training to improve our morale and effectiveness as a guild. Therefore a SPECIAL TRAINING program will be implemented.
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from our members, it will be our policy to keep all members well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)
We are trying to give our members more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see one of your Guild Leaders. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our Guild Leaders are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.
Members who don't take S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMERGENCY EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EXTRA ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since our Guild Leaders took S.H.I.T before they assumed their positions, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you too are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For members who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
For those who desire a higher level of S.H.I.T., there is the department for the best of the best S.H.I.T., the JET AIRCRAFT CONTROL KORPS (J.A.C.K.S.H.I.T.). If you don't know J.A.C.K.S.H.I.T., then you can't make your S.H.I.T. fly.
Just remember,our Guild Leaders are here to serve you and will be happy to implement an additional S.H.I.T. that you think is needed to improve the guild.
Have a good day.
ps i was drunk, i think
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