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Well, that was interesting. It was a well written story, and easy to follow.
It was an good story with an okay plot, but I found it very much, "we did this, then this happened, then we did that, and this other thing happened" I didn't invest in the characters at all. thats just my two cents.
PS. I think you got the ages backwards.
(posted from Chapter 1)
Last edited by Bd.Carlo (2011-01-11 22:56:36)
It isn't a bad story but I had a problem with the fact that there was no real dialogue it was all stuff like " She asked me this so I said this." A little more characterizations and actual conversations would be make it alot better.
This was my first venture into writing erotica. All critiques are welcome and helpful. Thanks for the 2 that were posted already.
I rewrote this story. Please see the Revised one.
And why, if you wish to be an active writer here, wouldn't you have opened a writer's account to post this story to?