The Pub Discussion Board

well ummmm I know it's alot of work ...but you could just bring your own green onions...they sell them in stores deceptively called "grocery stores" whatever that means....

...I personally don't eat at taco bell.. if I get hunger for mexican food I find mexicans.... I know that seems politically incorrect of me doesn't it?  but truthfully who better to make it than someone who grew up with it all the damn time... and if I want some southern " just like grandma's cooking" I use grandma's recipes...If I don't want to cook...well I had some places I can get my fix...


...but hell mexican pizza....if it's like pizza...just cut some damn green onions on top right in front of their damn counter and tell the manager you really miss the way they used to make it while absently fingering the knife and cutting the green onions onto the pizza.... 

For those of you who have
lived
in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili
Cook-off
about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a

parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced

Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
directions to
the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I 
accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put
theflames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people whowanted
to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they
saw
the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.Get me
more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone
is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the
beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
beermaid,was
standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting
to
look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili
an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
  chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
  pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips
off. 
It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming.
Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices
and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farte d, and I'm worried it
will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
  that
Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow
cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili
peppers a t the last moment.  **I should take note that I am worried
about 
judge number 3 as he appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
soundslike
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid

unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt.
At
least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to
stop
breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen
anyway. If
I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passedout,
fell over and pull ed the chili pot down on top of himself. Not  sure
if
he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted
toreally
hot chili?


Judge # 3 - No Report