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#1 2022-02-25 15:26:17

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 769
Website

Court Ordered

Court Ordered

After a teenage boy uses social media to get back at a neighborhood girl for ignoring him for years, the judge give the victim a lot of control over him. The two teenagers now have a lot of turmoil to work out as their mother's try to keep things non sexual.

This involves diapering, only piss no real mess. Things start a little slow but builds up as it goes along.

As always please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide.

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#2 2022-02-25 18:22:34

Pleidius
Inebriated
From: Minnesota
Registered: 2021-06-09
Posts: 55

Re: Court Ordered

An interesting, if slightly bizarre story.

I would imagine the boy would need extensive therapy after his sentence is finished.


If you're prepared to face the consequences, go ahead . . .

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#3 2022-02-25 22:49:13

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

A little bit different, I would agree, Bizarre, maybe. Things get more interesting in future chapters. This was something I wrote several years ago but never posted. It needs a lot of editing but the basic story has been mostly written. Maybe in the end I'll have them in group therapy.

Thanks for your comments.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#4 2022-03-03 00:24:01

pepsiguy1
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Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

Sorry about the chapter mix up. Chapter 1 is actually chapters 1 and 2

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#5 2022-08-01 05:35:27

Dammit
Tipsy
Registered: 2022-06-19
Posts: 1

Re: Court Ordered

This was a pretty good story but the author needs to do some editing there are some confusing typos and the names get crossed up a couple of times I hope the author is not offended as that is not my intent I enjoyed the story and and hope you continue the story cause I really don't see the story ending just yet I can see Mrs. Atwater jumping Jason's bones and Amanda and Carrie getting together and having a threesom with Matt anyway just keep writing

(posted from Chapter 13 Matt)

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#6 2022-08-01 10:27:14

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Court Ordered

Not sure that someone who doesn't know what punctuation is should be criticizing someone else's writing mechanics...

Just sayin'... 3droll

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#7 2022-08-04 14:49:25

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

I spotted the name mix up after I posted chapter 13. My typing skills are mediocre at best. I do use a spell checker but it doesn't catch everything. I do appreciate the comment though and happy someone likes the story. Chapter 14 is close to being posted.
I need to reread several more times to make sure all the names are correct ect. You're comment on Amanda and Carrie? I'll leave it at that until the next chapter.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#8 2022-08-10 10:55:32

Mikenc67
Inebriated
From: North Carolina, USA
Registered: 2022-05-26
Posts: 54

Re: Court Ordered

Seems like the story is going in a different direction. Maybe make Matt & his girls a separate story, and get back to the ORIGINAL main characters.
Maybe the original victim could convince the judge to terminate the diaper part of his sentence.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#9 2022-08-13 14:34:00

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

There is a good argument for separate stories. This story is evolving in a few new directions I didn't anticipate at the beginning, even though I had written the first 6 or 7 chapters years ago. The first story I posted, which I have to admit was not very good, it was suggested I needed more characters. So I added more characters. The problem that I see now is, these characters have a story of their own to tell. I'm having the same problem with Julie's New Life. As for terminating Jason's sentence, I've made it quite clear already that the judge wants blood. Short of her no longer being a judge and a new judge takes over I can't see that happening. I also see your new to the site, I hope you're enjoying the stories here.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#10 2022-08-14 01:26:45

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Court Ordered

Not having read the story, just giving "real-world" kind of thoughts:  Judges do sometimes not get re-elected to serve, so if the case/hearing(s) cross that election boundary...  Also, the lawyer (is there a lawyer?) could request a different judge..  Or, the "normal" judge could be on vacation, and so a different judge would have to handle things...  Again, I don't know the situation in the story, so some or all of this might not apply.  I'm just trying to give you options, if you want them.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#11 2022-08-14 14:04:13

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

Those thoughts did cross my mind. It's still a little too soon in the the story yet. Thanks for the suggestions.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#12 2023-01-21 14:33:40

CreepyUnclePete
Inebriated
Registered: 2023-01-12
Posts: 11

Re: Court Ordered

This story is quite creative and exciting. If there were a rating system here, I'd give it four stars out of five. One thing to be aware of is that the website doesn't display some foreign language characters correctly, such as the 'e' with an accent mark over it, which is usually in the word 'fiancee'. With some editing this story could go from good to great. Please continue!

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#13 2023-01-21 20:21:52

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

Thank you for your kind words. I'm constantly trying to improve my writing but struggle. Something I noticed about myself in the last few months is when I'm reading a book, I now look at the grammar, sentence structure and style of writing, looking for ways to improve. That's something I never did before. Thanks for pointing out hyphens in foreign words. I will try and figure out how to make changes. As to a rating system, there sort of is one. On the left side of the webpage, there is a place to give your opinion. Goes from Must Read/ See! to Don't waste your time. It appears no one but the author has access to the rating. It's under contributor tools/ Statistics, if you didn't already know. I'm not sure why Eric has it that way but I'm sure he has his reasons. Lately I've been doing more writing than reading but I'll take out time to read a few of your stories. Thanks again for time.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#14 2023-01-21 21:22:30

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Court Ordered

pepsiguy1 wrote:

I'm not sure why Eric has it that way but I'm sure he has his reasons.

Why The Pub does not have a numerical rating system

The answer's been on site for sixteen years...

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#15 2023-01-21 22:17:02

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

It's been years since I read that and had forgotten. It does make sense. Thanks for the refresher course.

Pepsiguy1

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#16 2023-01-22 01:55:23

Limnophile
Inebriated
Registered: 2022-07-04
Posts: 20

Re: Court Ordered

Thanks for pointing out the rating option. Much appreciated!

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#17 2023-06-23 18:28:23

Dadrepus
Inebriated
Registered: 2023-01-11
Posts: 91

Re: Court Ordered

Eric Storm wrote:

Not sure that someone who doesn't know what punctuation is should be criticizing someone else's writing mechanics...

Just sayin'... 3droll

Eric Storm

Funny!

Glad I read all the posts before I said anything. Yes, grammatical errors are there but fewer than MANY other authors here.  When using a spell check the AI doesn't know you mean "they're instead of there, or too instead of to" I hope it gets fixed. There also seems to be a missing word to complete a sentence here and there, like the author thought the word but forgot to type it in. Happens to me on an occasion. This is why book authors have editors. My wife is one for scientific papers prior to publication. She deals with many that speak English as a second language. Rife with errors.

Now, as far as the story goes!
I also hope the author continues as I have been thoroughly entertained. Long stories like these are my passion. One gets to know the characters more intimately if not deeply in this case, since the story really evolves around teenage sex. I don't mind multiple plot lines (actually, really enjoy them) as long as they all have a conclusion once the author ends the story. I don't even have to like the conclusions.

Since this is a recent work, I hope more chapters are forthcoming. Fun read so far.


Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)

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#18 2023-07-05 19:06:40

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

Thank you for your post and appreciate the feedback. I'm trying to catch my grammatical errors but still miss too many. I'm just starting on the next chapter as the other three stories I'm writing, have been taking some time to write. I try rotate them. I also like longer stories as they let the writer develop the characters. I appreciate hearing that you're enjoying the story. Thanks again.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#19 2023-07-23 16:35:00

Dadrepus
Inebriated
Registered: 2023-01-11
Posts: 91

Re: Court Ordered

Some corrections needed :Chapter 21/

Cathy talking to Matt: "The problem is all of us agreed were not going to be able to keep you apart... should be we're
After Mr. Benson's visit: Joyce thought yes, he were flirting with me and I guess I was flirting back...both instances should be was.

3way phone conversation: "If Matt is at the meeting in the clubhouse, I'm afraid will end up having sex with him during our meetings.... should be ..we'll, Who know if she's cheating on him or not. should be... knows. , "Really, there giving their blessing... should be ..they're giving.. also should be a ? at the end not a period. ,...She did (no period).... Also inconsistencies with the end of sentences before  " sometimes it is a comma sometimes a period.

lawyer meeting: Mrs. Atwater. Miss Atwater, Sorry for the delay...should be Mrs. Atwater, Miss Atwater, sorry...


Cortroom scene: "Joyce took a seat next to Joyce."....
Let's get out of her," should be "Let's get out of here,"........
"Something nice but not to formal. ... Should be too formal.


I may have missed a few along the way but grammar, punctuation and spelling are pet peeves of mine. Having said all that, let's talk about the  conclusion (last chapter).  How the author finished with the epilog was too abrupt for my taste. It just seemed incomplete so I hope when the new story is published Jason and his story line are not totally forgotten in the adventures of the younger children as well as some other side stories without conclusions.

Taken as a whole, it was an enjoyable story to spend my time with and hope he continues.

(posted from Chapter 21 Punishments and Surprises)


Always willing to help. May not be good at it ;-)

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#20 2023-07-23 17:31:16

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Court Ordered

If you are going to give the author proofreading assistance, please do so in an email, rather than in the public forum.  Listed here, it just provides clutter that doesn't add anything to the discussion of the story.

It is possible to submit an email comment to any author via the feedback form at the bottom of every chapter.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
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#21 2023-07-28 15:42:23

pepsiguy1
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-09-04
Posts: 57

Re: Court Ordered

To Dadrepus:

Thank you for letting me know that you enjoyed the story. Knowing that my writings are enjoyable to others, helps me to continue writing.

As for the grammatical errors and an occasional misspelling, all I can say is that I’m an amateur writer without anyone to proofread or edit my stories. I do try to catch as many mistakes as I can. I suppose if I was like a few other writers on this site who take months between posts and scours over their work, who may have access to a proofreader, I would have zero errors before anything was posted. No, I’m not complaining about having to wait forever for the next chapter, well maybe a bit 😊. I’m a senior citizen and my eyesight isn’t what it used to be. A period (.) and a comma (,) sometimes I miss catching. Also, my typing skills are dismal or should that be keyboarding skills. Like I said I’m getting on in age and grew up with a manual typewriter.

If your suggesting that I need a proofreader and obviously you are well qualified, as you have found the errors in this story. If you’re interested, send me an email and maybe we can work something out. Just as reminder I’m retired and on social security so I have nothing to pay for your services other than my gratitude.

As to the ending of the story, I suppose it was a bit brief. At this point in the story, I would have had to continue with Jason wearing a diaper at school and I didn’t want to go there or finish the story. I originally didn’t intend to have another whole story involving the other minor characters, it was something that just evolved as the story progressed.  The September Club, once I start writing it, will naturally involve Jason as he is Matt’s brother. Steve is both Jason best friend along with being Amanda’s brother. See where I’m going, all of the character in Court Ordered are interwoven with each other.

Thank you again for letting me know you enjoyed the story and I hope you will enjoy my other stories as well.

Finally, it's spelled epilogue not epilog. Then again I have made typos even in my comments.
Pepsiguy1

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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