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#301 2019-09-01 21:18:00

Blackie
Inebriated
From: US
Registered: 2017-07-12
Posts: 72

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

If not for you, Eric, this story would have been finished two years ago, and it would have been oh hum, and done, and I would have been the same, so thank you.

In that case, Thank you Eric for encouraging Bistander because this is one of my favorite stories to visit lately. I think it's wonderful, Bistander. Do not sell yourself short. It's good stuff.


-Himself

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." -Randy K. Milholland

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#302 2019-10-30 20:45:43

coachc32
Inebriated
Registered: 2016-11-19
Posts: 14

Re: Potential

I noticed that it's been awhile since anyone has posted a comment. How have things been?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#303 2019-12-07 18:42:47

coachc32
Inebriated
Registered: 2016-11-19
Posts: 14

Re: Potential

Hello, anyone else in here lol??? Where did everyone go?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#304 2019-12-14 17:32:42

lignum
Tipsy
Registered: 2016-08-27
Posts: 3

Re: Potential

Just waiting patiently 3dtongue

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#305 2019-12-16 16:14:07

HendrixMorton
Inebriated
Registered: 2017-08-04
Posts: 23

Re: Potential

Just hanging out, waiting for the next installment...

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#306 2019-12-18 13:13:18

Ju_per
Tipsy
Registered: 2019-12-11
Posts: 2

Re: Potential

This story is pure sex and almost as good as sex the deeper you get into it the better it gets

(posted from Chapter 25: Theres Something About Her)

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#307 2019-12-18 15:54:40

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Wow, where the fuck has bistander been? Too long a story to get into, but I'm trying to get it going. I'm using a Samsung tablet in Dex mode right now on a new browser, Brave(mush faster than Chrome, Edge and Firefox). Nothing is working right. I feel like the day I got my first windows computer. I'm giving this until the end of the day and if I'm not able to feel like there is hope that I'll be able to get back to work, I'm going to buy a new laptop. Why doesw my life have to nbe so complicated? Do I do this to myself?

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#308 2019-12-18 23:16:31

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4813
Website

Re: Potential

I'll assume your old laptop crapped out on you?  I can't imagine the frustration of trying to do any writing on a tablet, even with an external keyboard.  Good luck getting things back up and running to your satisfaction.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#309 2019-12-31 18:38:24

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

I still managed to get some work done, frustrating as it was, but I finally had to part with my money and get a new machine. I hate getting a new computer. I'll need to install all the shit I already had, but for now I'm trying to get chapter 30 done. Lots of editing to do, but most everything in written.

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#310 2020-01-14 13:20:53

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

It's been a long time, again, so I thought I should stop in and let you know I am working. In the last few days, I have been editing/proofing and trying to figure out how to organize the scenes. The chapter ended up having a lot of sex, and I'm trying to avoid having two long scenes run back to back, but it's all happening on the same day, so my options are limited. Sorry, you might have to suffer through too much sex. Shrug.

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#311 2020-01-14 17:21:17

Blackie
Inebriated
From: US
Registered: 2017-07-12
Posts: 72

Re: Potential

Sheesh. I get badly overworked, spend a fortnight in the hospital, overwork some more, deal with rl family issues, then come back on to check on things....

And there's a couple chapters I've missed. Still the best story of it's kind I know of Bistander. I wish I was weaving story lines the way you do.


-Himself

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." -Randy K. Milholland

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#312 2020-01-16 13:45:46

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Blackie. Sorry to hear you got worked so hard you had to take your vacation in the hospital. What are you, a pack mule?

I wanted to publicly thank you for your private message about this story. It was amazing and extremely encouraging. Those kind of well thought out, meaningful reviews are what help me through the bouts of depression and make it easier to work through the pains my body experiences after 30+ years behind a keyboard. I wish I had started writing at the beginning of those years. Maybe then this story would be finished by now.

Thanks again, and I wish you well in 2020, hopefully, more pay and less work, or at least no hospital stays.

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#313 2020-01-17 01:41:07

Blackie
Inebriated
From: US
Registered: 2017-07-12
Posts: 72

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

What are you, a pack mule?

I wanted to publicly thank you for your private message about this story. It was amazing and extremely encouraging.

If I were a pack mule, it would more reasonably explain the hospital, which was for back surgery and went from what was supposed to be a 5 day ordeal into a monster because the surgeon took a look and decided he had to fuse 8 instead of only 3 vertebrae. On the good news side, I only had to take 1 of the Percocet today, an improvement over the 8 a day I was going through post surgery. My employers all think my time is theirs no matter what except they limit my billing to 40 hrs/wk, which no, does not give me much spare time.

I meant every word of that private message. I don't want to advertise all the contents publicly, but this one story is very powerfully moving, for me at least. It is both bawdy in a fun way and emotive in a deep way that tugs my darkness within. You have a lot there you've given us, and I am grateful.

Yes, I am struggling to pick up on my own writing. It's still in the "gotta make it back into the universe" state of contemplation and meditation.

Last edited by Blackie (2020-01-17 01:42:51)


-Himself

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." -Randy K. Milholland

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#314 2020-01-22 19:05:40

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Jeez, I've had neck surgery and it's a bitch. 8 vertebrae is most of them. :-) I'm glad you are surviving and cutting back on the drugs. I hope you will be able to do all the things that hurt or couldn't be done before the surgery. At least then there is a reward for your suffering.

Getting back to writing is hard. I go through that after every chapter posts. I post, let out a huge sigh, and think I deserve a break. I do, but breaks bread breaks and procrastination like rats.

Chapter 30 has turned into a monster, also. I'm about to start going back through it to see if I can actually get away with packing that much into a single chapter without killing the readers. If not, I'll have to restructure and changes scenes so they can happen on a different day. I hadn't thought about it until now, but Potential is like that show 24 from way back in the early 2000s. A shit ton happens in a short period of time.

Thanks again and get back to writing as soon as you're able.

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#315 2020-01-22 20:46:18

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4813
Website

Re: Potential

Just a thought:  If you feel the chapter is too long, why can you not just find a stopping point, as opposed to rearranging your story?  Just break what you have into two chapters.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#316 2020-02-01 14:41:47

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Eric,  I guess because then I didn't think it would be long enough or maybe it all seemed to fit in a logical group or maybe I'm nuts. I tend to lean toward the latter. Cookoo for cocoa puffs.

I have a test reader but they were too busy, so I'm just going to post it. If the next chapter would benefit from parts of the previous one then I'll repost them. It's not like I'm having a Novel printed and have to get it perfect. Why do I complicate everything? head-scratching.

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#317 2020-02-02 00:56:06

Elessar
Wasted
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 245

Re: Potential

I liked the length, I enjoy the story to be spread out and paced evenly as possible.

Without giving to much details, I have to say it was really well written. There was only like 2 or 3 grammar/misspellings that I caught.

Only issue I had was jumping around between characters,  it I feel that is just my mind struggling to keep up with it.

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#318 2020-02-02 17:14:17

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Elessar wrote:

I liked the length, I enjoy the story to be spread out and paced evenly as possible.

Without giving to much details, I have to say it was really well written. There was only like 2 or 3 grammar/misspellings that I caught.

Only issue I had was jumping around between characters,  it I feel that is just my mind struggling to keep up with it.

Thanks for the comments. It means a lot to me.

I just reposted it without(hopefully) any of the mistakes.

If I had it to do over again, I would choose different names for Cindy & Candy and Becky and Rebecca. Neither Cindy nor Becky had much of a role in the original version, so it wasn't a problem. If you're talking about the scene jumping and not the names, oh well, I can't help there. I spent a great deal of time in this chapter trying to find good breaking points so there wasn't too much of one thing. It was very difficult. I didn't want the Gloria and Darlene thing and the Deana and Rebecca thing to drag on or be too close together.

Thanks again for giving feedback.

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#319 2020-02-02 23:58:09

Elessar
Wasted
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 245

Re: Potential

Yeah, it was the character scenes that threw me off. I tried keeping up with them but it was a lot to take in for my brain. Aside from that and the couple grammar issues, it was well written. I liked the twist at the end, and the secrecies involved with the girls.

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#320 2020-02-03 17:40:26

neolyn
Wasted
Registered: 2016-02-13
Posts: 101

Re: Potential

Nice chapter !

I have to agree the constant change of character is sometimes confusing, but I'm use to it. though this time it seems really cut and dry. It's going back and forth.
I talked already about such a thing in a previous chapter where it was Deana and Evan on one side and Candy on the other. It was easy to follow because there was only one point of you. With chapter 30 that was too much.

When Deana used her webcam and Sally appears. I didn't quite understand what was going on. I thought Candy and Sally were not in the house anymore.

I'm a bit disappointed Gloria lost her cherry like that. Even if Darlène is her cousin/sister. I liked the scene though...

Overall it was a good chapter, like always we learned more about the past without discovering much at the same time. Did Sandra was in the same relationship with sally the way Cindy was with Candy ?

I'm still confused with Candy; many chapters were about her and Evan about her love for him, and since Cindy... well it's like Evan was just a replacement for his cousin. It's like Candy just loves Evan but is actually in love with Cindy.

Anyway: CANDY IS FREAKING PREGNANT!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

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#321 2020-02-10 14:43:49

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

neolyn, as always, thank you for the feedback. As much as I'd like to say everyone needs to pay more attention while reading, with this chapter I knew I was asking a lot by having so many different things happening in such a short period of time. After the chapter was pretty much done, I went back through it and made some changes to break scenes up because it seemed like things were happening on top of each other. The scene with Candy and Sally went from Candy at the table all the way until they discovered Deana and Evan, and the whole Darlene and Gloria thing happened from the car ride to the finish.

The problem I had with that was this, some of the scenes were long in the amount of time they would have consumed in the character's life, and others weren't, yet they were happening at the same time. Was I trying to be too realistic? Would anyone have enjoyed reading really long scenes with no breaks? obviously. I didn't think so, that's why I did extra work to break them up. This is why feedback is so important for a new author. We don't have editors, and most of the time I don't even have a test reader.

I can always change this chapter for future readers if I get enough feedback saying people got lost. Oh, on your point above, right as Evan and Deana climax in the bathroom, in bold, it said this: Candy and Sally had quietly gone back to the office, hoping to avoid Evan.

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#322 2020-02-12 17:33:13

mwahoo
Tipsy
Registered: 2017-12-30
Posts: 9

Re: Potential

bistander wrote:

neolyn, as always, thank you for the feedback. As much as I'd like to say everyone needs to pay more attention while reading, with this chapter I knew I was asking a lot by having so many different things happening in such a short period of time. After the chapter was pretty much done, I went back through it and made some changes to break scenes up because it seemed like things were happening on top of each other. The scene with Candy and Sally went from Candy at the table all the way until they discovered Deana and Evan, and the whole Darlene and Gloria thing happened from the car ride to the finish.

The problem I had with that was this, some of the scenes were long in the amount of time they would have consumed in the character's life, and others weren't, yet they were happening at the same time. Was I trying to be too realistic? Would anyone have enjoyed reading really long scenes with no breaks? obviously. I didn't think so, that's why I did extra work to break them up. This is why feedback is so important for a new author. We don't have editors, and most of the time I don't even have a test reader.

I can always change this chapter for future readers if I get enough feedback saying people got lost. Oh, on your point above, right as Evan and Deana climax in the bathroom, in bold, it said this: Candy and Sally had quietly gone back to the office, hoping to avoid Evan.

In any story/novel,  progression from a - z is important with limited redundancy.  While Evan/Deana sex is hot and good,  it has been seen repeatedly.  There are far more intriguing actions we all had hope to see and not Gloria with Darlene.  Gloria seems to be the prize here and what all readers probably hope to see.   The inevitable needs to happen soon please and the sooner,  the better. While the Reb, Deana, Evan 3 some was great,  Gloria/Darlene/Evan would be greater or maybe even better, Gloria/Jada /Evan and still,  the softball bunnies with Evan .  Hope your next episode includes at least some of these and is quicker to appear.  Good luck

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#323 2020-02-12 19:51:36

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4813
Website

Re: Potential

... First you say that Gloria seems to be the "prize"... and then you tell him to make sure that Evan gets her "sson please and the sooner,  the better." 

You want the story over that bad, do you?  If Evan and Gloria is, indeed, the "prize" (ie, the resolution of the conflict of the story), the story will be over very shortly after that point.

Of course, I have no idea what Bistander has in mind, as I no longer read this story.  (NO knock on Bistander's writing at all, it's simply the kind of story I don't care for.  That's on me, not the author.)

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#324 2020-02-16 15:30:15

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 166

Re: Potential

Thanks Eric. You are so right, if there isn't any conquest, "prize," or conflict left to be resolved, the author better be ready to wrap up quickly. That was the reason it took so long for the Evan and Deana thing to happen, and why Gloria was introduced as a new conflict for Evan. If he does her, there is nothing left of his previous life. He lost his mother, again, by making Candy his lover, and the special relationship he shared with Deana has been complicated with sex and jealousy. Not doing Gloria represents many things to Evan, even if he's in denial about his true feelings for her, and actually, the real conflict in this story has nothing to do with sexual conquests. That's just filler until the ending.

This story is not for most, so I don't hold it against you, Eric. :-)

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#325 2020-02-16 17:12:10

Elessar
Wasted
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 245

Re: Potential

I have to be honest, I would have to agree the chapters are getting a little long winded. I love how you are trying to make it realistic in some way, by having these events take place at the same time with some over lap.

I do agree that Gloria is the prize and shouldn’t be taken unless the story is over, that’s just common sense. As for Mwahoo’s comment saying that it’s what all the readers want... well I want... a great story, if that’s what the author has in mind then it will be made into a great story including it, however it’s not what I “really hope to see . If that makes sense.

My personal interest is the ending, resolving the true conflict with his father coming back home. Can he keep his lovers and be a good son? Or will his father find him plowing Candy?

Keep the good work going, it’s long but so far, not any serious issues aside from the scene switches, but that’s on me, maybe I could pay more attention

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