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#1 2012-02-12 07:28:30

Bridget
God
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 521
Website

Guardian, The

The Guardian

ray tan is an above average boy that has train in the martial arts since he was 6 one day he meets a girl name yuuki and that day his life changes as he finds out that he is a guardian of the spirits or soul reaper!

this is my first novel in a longgggg time so be nice

ps this NOT BLEACH FANFICTION

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#2 2012-02-12 07:31:32

dreaw
Inebriated
Registered: 2011-11-27
Posts: 83

Re: Guardian, The

dam it came out wrong how do i fix?

the paragraph structure so it stays when i post?

(posted from Chapter 1 : meet Ray Tan)

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#3 2012-02-12 07:46:33

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4429
Website

Re: Guardian, The

1) Email is really the place for such questions.
2) The break tag ( "<br>" ) will only produce a single carriage return.  You should use the paragraph tag ( "<p>Your paragraph text goes here...</p>" ) instead.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#4 2012-02-12 09:17:39

dreaw
Inebriated
Registered: 2011-11-27
Posts: 83

Re: Guardian, The

thanks and what do u think of the Chapter is it good

the plot start i mean

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#5 2012-02-12 10:09:56

lerris
Inebriated
From: Huntsville
Registered: 2008-12-07
Posts: 42

Re: Guardian, The

I'm sorry I know that constructive criticism is best, but really there is nothing good i can say about this. Now I'm not a great writer or anything but it seems to me that this shouldn't have even been posted. It seems like you really should have held off on posting anything till you had a little more material. None of this seemed like it really had anything to do with the description that was given for the story as there is nothing else. I mean it was barely a paragraph. I'm sorry if that sounded a little harsh since you said you hadn't written for awhile, but this defiantly requires work if it is going to hold up to the quality of work I have come to expect from contributors to the Wolf Pub.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them!

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#6 2012-02-12 20:52:39

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4429
Website

Re: Guardian, The

*sigh*  Lerris... what's the first rule of critiquing?

I'll assume you don't know what it is, since you just trampled all over it, and so I will inform you:

"If you truly do not like a work, do not comment on it." 

lerris wrote:

really there is nothing good i can say about this

Then why did you feel the need to speak at all?  Once you made this statement, everything else you had to say was completely overshadowed by the fact that you care so little for the work.  Given the length of the chapter (and he made it clear that this is the first chapter of a serial work), perhaps you should have had the courtesy to see where he was going before trampling on him so very harshly.  There's a reason that a Critiquing Guide exists on this website.  Go find it.  Read it.  Learn it.  USE IT.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#7 2012-02-12 23:30:03

dreaw
Inebriated
Registered: 2011-11-27
Posts: 83

Re: Guardian, The

iv e spoken with lerris and he offered to edit for me and i just accepted and sent him chapter 1 i will re-post when he is finished

my biggest problem is the dam BBC code

3dbig_smile

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#8 2012-02-13 00:24:17

hoevenator
Tipsy
Registered: 2010-10-04
Posts: 2

Re: Guardian, The

after 4 years of not writing, it is still better than i can do.  i am looking forward to when you get back into the swing of things.

(posted from Chapter 1 : meet Ray Tan)

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#9 2012-02-13 02:58:01

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4429
Website

Re: Guardian, The

BBC code?

Stories use standard HTML.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#10 2012-02-13 03:25:20

dreaw
Inebriated
Registered: 2011-11-27
Posts: 83

Re: Guardian, The

well sorry i meant html

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#11 2012-02-13 04:37:44

lerris
Inebriated
From: Huntsville
Registered: 2008-12-07
Posts: 42

Re: Guardian, The

Yeah I'm sorry about that post Eric I actually sent him a private message apologizing and offering to help edit.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them!

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#12 2012-02-13 04:43:12

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 573

Re: Guardian, The

well first you need to fill this out more it reads fast and cut out the bit at the end make that info you get in chapter 2

(posted from Chapter 1 : meet Ray Tan)


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#13 2012-05-13 20:30:14

Kitsune
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-05-07
Posts: 45

Re: Guardian, The

This seems like it could turn out to be a good story but this first chapter felt more like a intro then a actual chapter it felt to rushed and read to quickly. the part at the end seems to just get thrown in there too fast i feel almost as if you should ease into those facts instead of trying to rush the info to us.

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#14 2012-05-25 19:54:03

armyman2125
Tipsy
Registered: 2011-06-08
Posts: 2

Re: Guardian, The

u might not want to post this until u have all the spelling checked and everything and work on the plot bc the beginning it just didnt grab my attention enough i dont mean any disrespect just giving some feedback

(posted from Chapter 2)

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#15 2012-05-25 20:40:48

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4429
Website

Re: Guardian, The

While I agree that (assuming there are issues - I haven't read it) he should fix spelling errors as soon as he can...

I find it rather ironic that the person complaining about spelling errors cannot spell the word "you".

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#16 2019-02-05 00:50:18

gadget
Inebriated
From: Rancho Cucamonga, CA
Registered: 2007-07-19
Posts: 21

Re: Guardian, The

Definitely would like to see more of this, sooner than later.

(posted from Chapter 6)

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