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#1 2016-06-23 00:37:17

Admin
God
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 495
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Unforgettable Melody, An

An Unforgettable Melody

Mike is a nerdy musician who has his world turned upside down when he meets Melody, a magical sex genie bound to be his servant for all eternity. Though she changes his life for the better, Mike must now come to terms with this new situation challenging his strong religious faith, forcing him to find a way to reconcile these two opposing realities. This story is an homage to the universe of servant genies written about by Joe Brolly and 800ibgorrila. Many thanks to both of them!

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#2 2016-06-27 03:11:31

darthel0101
Wasted
Registered: 2013-08-18
Posts: 110

Re: Unforgettable Melody, An

I have only one complaint: the first chapters had depth to the story but the later felt like an outline.

I liked the concept used for the creation of the servant genie and its use in both the climax of the relationship and the final disposition, but the effect on the story left all the action in the time before the engagement. 

Unfortunately, I am not a skilled writer to advise on how to flesh out the story to allow it to feel consistent.

Another issue is that delving into Melody's journey to accepting the God of her mother could easily hijack the story.

You have good imagery and concrete descriptions. Your dialogue draws your reader into the minds of your characters. Use these strengths to paint your story on a suitable canvas, putting focus where it belongs while supporting that focus with rich backgrounds.

Overall, I am impressed with your presentation and wish you well in future works.
- - hopefully, works that awe can enjoy here..

Last edited by darthel0101 (2016-06-28 02:32:32)

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#3 2016-06-27 10:53:18

auguy86
Inebriated
Registered: 2016-06-22
Posts: 13

Re: Unforgettable Melody, An

Thanks darthel,

Don't worry, I fully realize that I am far from a professional author, so nothing I write will be completely without issues.  Still, really glad to hear you enjoyed my work.  I'll be posting my followup story, "A Bridge Between Worlds," before too long.

auguy86

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#4 2017-01-15 19:32:05

Rescue25
Wasted
Registered: 2014-07-06
Posts: 122

Re: Unforgettable Melody, An

The religious aspect without being preachy is well done.  I liked the ending.  I did like the character development without being overly sex driven. 
Well done.

B

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#5 2018-02-20 04:37:23

lerris
Inebriated
From: Huntsville
Registered: 2008-12-07
Posts: 42

Re: Unforgettable Melody, An

Love your work. Read this while waiting for more of a sorcerer in downtown atlanta. Hate your college roll tide you bastard.

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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them!

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#6 2018-03-03 04:17:48

auguy86
Inebriated
Registered: 2016-06-22
Posts: 13

Re: Unforgettable Melody, An

Ah, a crimson turd, eh, lerris?  I know it must feel great being the national champion.  Champion of every state in the country... except Alabama.  Hehe.

Glad you're enjoying the story.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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