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#1 2015-10-12 23:07:02

Admin
God
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 500
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Backyard Princess

Backyard Princess

An imaginative boy falls for the princess who lives next door.

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#2 2016-03-19 14:58:06

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 104

Re: Backyard Princess

Great story so far. My only constructive criticism is that some of the dialog is a little unnatural, but otherwise I like the plot and find the characters very enjoyable.

(posted from Chapter 1: Champion of the Elder World)

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#3 2016-03-21 03:50:39

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 104

Re: Backyard Princess

Love Sarah's cunning ways and Kenneth's naive nature.

(posted from Chapter 2: Prisoner of the Shadow Monsters)

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#4 2016-03-21 04:10:57

Daddycums
Wasted
Registered: 2014-06-27
Posts: 121

Re: Backyard Princess

bistander wrote:

Love Sarah's cunning ways and Kenneth's naive nature.

(posted from Chapter 2: Prisoner of the Shadow Monsters)

Yes, Kenny can be kind of an idiot sometimes.  Full confession: of all the characters in all the stories I've ever written, Kenny is the most like me.  (Yes, that even includes Tales of a Secret Sex Writer)  I was just as clueless when I was his age, although I can't claim this story is autobiographical because I didn't have a Sarah Laurent as a next door neighbor, unfortunately.

As for the dialog, I'll admit sometimes I don't write it very realistic.  Sometimes it makes me cringe to read the dialog from some of my earlier stories.  Kind of embarrassing, really.  But I'll let those stories stand as they are, flaws and all.

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#5 2016-03-21 16:54:24

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 104

Re: Backyard Princess

Thanks for the confession. I wish I was as clueless and as unashamed of being who I was as Kenneth. At 12 I was already smoking weed and having sex with my older sister's friends. One of them while she watched. Obviously, that explains a lot about where my stories come from.
We are what we eat.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#6 2016-03-21 19:49:43

bistander
Wasted
Registered: 2015-09-03
Posts: 104

Re: Backyard Princess

Two thumbs up.

(posted from Chapter 3: Royal Union)

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#7 2016-09-26 02:12:34

coalbuckety
Inebriated
Registered: 2010-12-20
Posts: 11

Re: Backyard Princess

I have to say that that is a great story even if it was somewhat out of the teenage sector of stories. I fully enjoyed it and I am 62. Still out of fantasy spectrum I have read many stories and have enjoyed few as much. I do wish it was a longer stories for the chance at more depth however you seemed to pull it off on that accord as well. Keep writing I look forward to new and innovative characters as your nwe stories unfold.

(posted from Chapter 5: Throne Reclaimed)

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#8 2016-09-30 05:09:41

Daddycums
Wasted
Registered: 2014-06-27
Posts: 121

Re: Backyard Princess

coalbuckety wrote:

I have to say that that is a great story even if it was somewhat out of the teenage sector of stories. I fully enjoyed it and I am 62. Still out of fantasy spectrum I have read many stories and have enjoyed few as much. I do wish it was a longer stories for the chance at more depth however you seemed to pull it off on that accord as well. Keep writing I look forward to new and innovative characters as your nwe stories unfold.

(posted from Chapter 5: Throne Reclaimed)

Thanks!  This was one of my favorite stories to write, partly because I projected so much of myself into Kenny, and partly because it's not really like anything I've ever read, so I was free to be creative with it.  I had a lot of fun jumping back and forth between the real world and the imaginary world, especially with Sarah to put a naughty edge on it.

I have a bunch of other stories in various stages of completion, but I've kind of gotten out of the habit of writing since I finished the Talon Saga.  But I think six months is long enough of a break and I ought to get back to work.  Maybe you'll see some new stories here soon.

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#9 2016-11-15 16:31:51

Sniper
Inebriated
Registered: 2016-07-04
Posts: 76

Re: Backyard Princess

Although the ending seems a bit rushed, this is a really good story. I am really looking forward to reading your new stories.

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#10 2017-10-06 00:57:40

db1644
Tipsy
From: New Jersey
Registered: 2017-10-01
Posts: 8

Re: Backyard Princess

Good start

(posted from Chapter 1: Champion of the Elder World)


David S.

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#11 2017-10-06 01:12:03

db1644
Tipsy
From: New Jersey
Registered: 2017-10-01
Posts: 8

Re: Backyard Princess

Getting better

(posted from Chapter 2: Prisoner of the Shadow Monsters)


David S.

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#12 2017-10-06 02:01:53

db1644
Tipsy
From: New Jersey
Registered: 2017-10-01
Posts: 8

Re: Backyard Princess

Good story. Keep it gping

(posted from Chapter 5: Throne Reclaimed)


David S.

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#13 2018-01-14 05:59:07

Dezerae
Tipsy
Registered: 2018-01-10
Posts: 6

Re: Backyard Princess

This was an awesome story. Thank you.

(posted from Chapter 5: Throne Reclaimed)

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