The Pub Discussion Board

I debated whether to post this or not, since talking about things that happen in the bathroom is generally pretty gross, but I decided that enough people might benefit from this to override that.

If you have IBS, Crohn's, frequent diarrhea, or any problem like that, you may find this extremely helpful.  Even if you don't have these problems, you might want to read on, anyway.

Here's a tip from someone who recently discovered the benefits:  Use a bidet.

(For those not raised in Europe/Japan, and never watched Crocodile Dundee, a bidet is a bathroom fixture designed for washing your butt after you've done #2.    )

Now, why do I recommend this for people with the above problems?  Because the one very important thing that the bidet does is allow you to wipe your butt less.  On my "bad days", using just toilet paper, I could use 4, 5, even 6 wads of toilet paper to get my butt completely clean after a nasty movement.  You do that 4 or 5 times during a day, and, apart from using up a LOT of toilet paper, your ass is going to be very, very tender.  And mine often was.  Enter the bidet:  I now use a maximum of two wads of toilet paper, and that's rare.  Normally, it's just one, and that's more to dry my ass off than anything else (though there is usually the tiniest remnant of 'dirt' to remove, as well).  I haven't had a sore ass from wiping since we got the bidet, and that alone is enough to pay for the damned thing.

"But Eric," I hear you saying, "I don't have room in my bathroom for another toilet-sized object!"

Yeah, you think I do???

I discovered that there are bidet attachments for a regular toilet.  If you have the slightest handyman ability (or know someone who does that you can sucker into doing it for you), they install pretty easily.  A half-hour, if you're inexperienced.  A plumber could probably put this thing on in under five minutes.

Now, I'm not about to become a free spokesman for the particular model I bought.  There are several out there, and you can look them up on Amazon.  (Just do a search for "bidet".  You'll find them pretty quick.)

The unit I bought cost around $60.  Now, it is mostly plastic, so durability may be an issue, but so far it seems to be holding up okay, and it gets used several times a day in this house.  If you go for an electronic unit (the electronics are used to heat up the water so you're not blasting cold water up your ass), they probably cost quite a bit more.  Many units are cold-water only.  The one I bought is a middle ground: it connects to both the cold and hot water lines.  You can let the water run into the bowl for a while, to warm it up, and then switch it so it's spraying your behind.  Frankly, if you live somewhere (like Florida) where the water doesn't really get truly cold except in the very depths of winter, you probably won't really need the hot water... but you might like it better.  Your mileage, as they say, may vary.

So, yeah, I just wanted to let other people know about this.  I got this thing because Keeshaba said she'd use one, and I figured it would reduce her usage of wet wipes (which, in case you don't know, aren't exactly free...).  I was surprised at how much I prefer using it to straight wiping.  I know, it seems like a very "girl" device, but if you've got ANY bathroom issues, you would probably get a real benefit out of having one.

And, hell, if you're just the kind of person that likes squirting water up their ass... 

Eric Storm

Legal Note:  Neither Eric Storm nor the Mystic Wolf Pub take any responsibility for anything you do after reading ANYTHING on this website.  If you hurt yourself, you're the idiot responsible, not us!