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#1 2017-03-25 05:28:52
VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
The VCR: Chapter 1 School Days
Dave Sykes just bought a VCR and some porn tapes for one hundred dollars. Boy oh boy, did he get a bargain!
(This is the unedited first story in what, I hope, will become a series with each chapter being connected but also being a standalone story.)
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#2 2017-03-25 13:28:36
- thehilz
- Completely Blotto
- Registered: 2010-09-06
- Posts: 368
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
Man I need to get me some of those movies. Lol. Was an interesting read. Hope more will come soon.
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#3 2017-03-30 06:22:11
- Eric Storm
- Pub Owner
- From: New Port Richey, FL
- Registered: 2006-09-12
- Posts: 5751
- Website
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
A fun little story. Certainly allows for a whole slew of varied little vignettes all in one. Made me interested enough to want to see the next installment.
There were some mechanics issues (typos, spelling, grammar, etc.), but not enough to really detract from the story itself. I'd point them out for you, but that would slow me down even further on my own writing. :-S
The only part I wasn't overly happy with was the whole "she kicked me out with nothing but the shirt on my back" bit. It's too cliched. Also, if they had enough money for her to get a "really good lawyer", then he'd have had a decent job and would have been able to afford a nice apartment fairly quickly. (Payday Advance loan, if nothing else, would have gotten him the money he needed...) It also implies that the guy doesn't have a single good friend whose couch he could have crashed on for a few days. But, unless the wife or girls are going to play into the story in future chapters, it's not really important.
Anyway, as a XXX story, it was good. It aroused me and kept me interested. So where's the next chapter, huh? Huh? Huh?
Eric Storm
(posted from Chapter 1)
Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#4 2022-06-20 02:32:31
- daves.not.here
- Inebriated
- From: South Florida
- Registered: 2007-06-15
- Posts: 36
Re: VCR: Chapter 1 School Days, The
Great story! I loved the story setup idea. You should really continue this series!
Thanks
(posted from Chapter 1)
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