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#1 2011-06-19 01:30:38

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 769
Website

Sis, Coming Of Age

Sis, Coming Of Age

Brother and sister share something wonderful.


Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide.

SITE CONTENT POLICY:  The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content.  No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner.

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#2 2011-06-21 23:29:40

Elessar
Completely Blotto
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 396

Re: Sis, Coming Of Age

A little more information on the people, and description of things could be better. It seemed rushed to me, but wasn't bad I suppose.

(posted from Chapter 1)

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#3 2012-05-12 10:15:11

Kitsune
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-05-07
Posts: 45

Re: Sis, Coming Of Age

Nice little story. Could have become more so the ending disappointed me. Hope to see you write something new.

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#4 2012-05-12 18:03:42

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Sis, Coming Of Age

Kitsune wrote:

Could have become more...

Such as?

You do realize that a comment this vague is completely unhelpful to an author?

Did you consider that the reason most authors end a story is because they consider it to be finished, which means they either 1) had no ideas for continuing it, or 2) felt that a continuation would lessen the story they'd written?

If you're going to make a comment such as "Could have become more...", you'd damned well better be backing it up with concrete examples of exactly HOW it could have become more.  Otherwise, it reads as, "How dare you end a story I was reading before I was ready to stop reading it!"

On the one hand, your comment is praise to the author.  This is a good thing.  On the other hand, your praise was overshadowed by non-constructive negative commentary.  This is a very bad thing.

Eric Storm


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#5 2012-05-12 21:55:44

Kitsune
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-05-07
Posts: 45

Re: Sis, Coming Of Age

Thanks for the advice. All I meant was that the ending seemed very rushed he bassically took te story and the ended it all in a few sentences leaving so much left. This story could have kept going to tell about other situations over their summer instead of just wrapping it up. But on the other hand even stopping where you did left it as a good story all I wanted to really say was that if you had written more I would have read it.

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#6 2012-08-11 14:24:20

T. Weller
Inebriated
From: Ephrata PA
Registered: 2009-08-19
Posts: 22

Re: Sis, Coming Of Age

This story was my first. I kind of rushed through things. I didn't give you enough history on the 2 people, how their relationship was before the event. You don't know what they look like. All opinions and criticism are welcome and appreciated.

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