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#1 2011-06-03 05:44:48

Bridget
Barmaid
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 769
Website

Just a Taste is all it Takes

Just a Taste is all it Takes

Andrew was a typical High School Student, he was not one of the nerdy types who A's came easily too, or one of the Jocks who sports came easily to, He was not a pretty boy who girls came easily too, He just was. One day during chemistry experiment his bimbo of a lab partner screws up and he is covered in chemicals. When he wakes up in the hospital, he has a very strange taste in his mouth. When he is released with a clean bill of health and his family comes to pick him up a simple kiss leads to his discovery of the powers contained in his saliva.


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#2 2011-06-03 09:21:27

Steen3
Inebriated
Registered: 2010-06-08
Posts: 16

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Deleted

Last edited by Steen3 (2016-06-15 11:05:46)

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#3 2011-06-03 10:08:25

gaianwizard
Inebriated
Registered: 2009-09-22
Posts: 11

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

like it so far....can't wait to read more

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#4 2011-06-04 04:19:01

WarLord
Wasted
From: Minnesota, USA Planet Earth
Registered: 2006-11-17
Posts: 163
Website

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Nice opening, sets stage

Looking forward to seeing more

Thanx for sharing


"A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus: 1. What am I trying to say? 2. What words will express it? 3. What image or idiom will make it clearer? 4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?" - George Orwell, Politics and the English Language, 1946

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#5 2011-06-04 05:16:51

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

An interesting twist on the usual "gained powers" premise.

You do, however, need some help in the realm of anatomy.  Also, you never bothered to mention why Erin was attempting to hit Lacey in the first place.  As this was a major point of the first chapter, it should have been at least momentarily talked about.

Still, depending on where you go from here, there is hope for an interesting story.
Eric Storm

(posted from In the Begining)


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#6 2011-06-04 13:37:08

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Thank you for your feedback. What do I need help with in the realm of anatomy?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#7 2011-06-04 13:41:16

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

I added a line to the chase Sceen that should indicate why Erin was chasing Lacey from the bathroom, but mainly the whole thing was just teenage morning antics. Erin upset Lacey, Lacey bugged Erin, Erin as older sister felt she needed to put her in her place, Andrew got hurt.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#8 2011-06-04 18:24:47

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Since you asked:

1. Any male will lose an erection after being knocked unconscious.  (We're not talking about sleep here, we're talking about unconsciousness.)
2. It is not being hit in the dick, but being hit in the balls, that causes intense pain.  It would be very difficult for someone to hit him in the balls in the actions you describe.
3. Is Lacey a midget?  She is "ducking" so low that her head is at a level with her brother's groin?  A 12-year-old girl is, on average, only 5" shorter than a 14-year-old boy, so it's not like she only comes up to his navel or something.  The ducking motion required for her head to end up there would be an extremely unnatural reaction to trying to avoid a punch.

I wasn't going to elaborate on my statement, but... you asked.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#9 2011-06-04 19:02:56

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Thank you for the information.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#10 2011-06-07 14:33:01

Hamlet
Tipsy
Registered: 2011-02-26
Posts: 3

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Cool story - I'll look forward to more.

(posted from In the Begining)

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#11 2011-06-10 01:45:03

Lucky869
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-18
Posts: 30

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

agreed, good start, eagerly awaiting more : )

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#12 2011-06-19 23:15:25

RED_FOX87
Inebriated
From: Lebanon
Registered: 2006-12-07
Posts: 60

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

pretty interesting story, but there was one thing I found weird. In the chemistry lab, they were just told to mix everything up to see what happens. I don't know if it might be different in your school, but in my school we were always told to take extreme caution when mixing chemicals, it was always controlled, and I don't think they would let them mix everything up if there was a chance of any of the chemicals reacting and causing an explosion. but I guess what they mixed up was some new chemical that no one even knew about, and they thought it was all safe, so I guess that's possible though still a bit off. but anyway, it was a pretty interesting story, and I look forward to reading the next chapter. Oh and btw, about the point eric brought up about the accident, maybe you could say it was a knee or maybe she tripped and was sent flying or something.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


Sex is good, Sex is fine, Doggystyle Or 69, For having fun Or getting paid, Everyone likes Getting laid.

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#13 2011-06-21 04:56:24

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Thank you for the feedback, I adjusted the story to say she simply struck him instead of her head striking him.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#14 2011-06-22 04:25:41

hattahatt
Inebriated
Registered: 2009-11-29
Posts: 17

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Sounds good, I'm interested on where this story is heading none the less.

(posted from In the Begining)

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#15 2011-07-16 14:51:34

Brijon158
Tipsy
Registered: 2010-01-26
Posts: 2

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Nice beginning, keep it up.

(posted from In the Begining)

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#16 2011-07-21 20:27:02

Flamewolf
Inebriated
From: Mississippi
Registered: 2011-07-17
Posts: 12

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

It was a great story. You should finish it I see where you could go with it. great job!!!

(posted from In the Begining)

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#17 2011-08-09 03:46:17

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Chapter two is with the editor now.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#18 2011-08-15 15:21:54

Flamewolf
Inebriated
From: Mississippi
Registered: 2011-07-17
Posts: 12

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Good start keep going hope you don't keep me waiting too long till your next part.

(posted from Chapter 2: First Taste)

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#19 2011-09-12 06:50:03

JoshNuttall
Tipsy
Registered: 2008-05-24
Posts: 2

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

I must have more! lol I really like where you are headed with this...I can't wait to dive into the science behind this connection he has with his sister. I would also hope the other two women in his life somehow get involved. That would be awesome! please keep it up!

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#20 2011-11-07 06:58:07

James Marcus
Wasted
From: USA
Registered: 2010-06-14
Posts: 120

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

did a minor re-write on chapter two. Mainly cosmetic things to make the story flow better.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#21 2011-11-10 17:23:03

dentore1
Tipsy
From: texas
Registered: 2011-04-05
Posts: 6

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

i don't know if its cause i'm using the mobile version or if its a glitch with the upload but paragraphs would be nice instead of everything running together. Otherwise its  a interesting read so far and can't wait for more.

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#22 2011-11-10 20:28:29

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

It was, and it wasn't, dentore1.  It was a mix of things that I had not accounted for when I wrote the mobile version.  I have since fixed this problem.  Thanks for pointing it out.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#23 2012-02-29 18:48:16

BigRD
Tipsy
From: England
Registered: 2012-01-15
Posts: 4

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

good series so far. like where this is heading, keep up the good work.

(posted from Questions)

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#24 2012-03-13 23:09:51

grandad_rufus
Inebriated
Registered: 2011-05-24
Posts: 30

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

Am enjoying so far, please keep up the good work.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
Grandad Rufus.

It's not that I have a dirty mind, you understand. It's just that so many of my thoughts leave muddy little footprints...

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#25 2012-05-10 06:13:49

Kitsune
Inebriated
Registered: 2012-05-07
Posts: 45

Re: Just a Taste is all it Takes

I defiantly enjoy the story and am interested to see where you will take it. The only real downside i would see is the length of each chapter.

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