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#1 2007-08-01 23:24:00

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

New Rules:

New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the basketball team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

New Rule : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half- soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that--It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule : If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other show.


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#2 2007-08-04 18:05:50

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Go to maddox's website: it's full of new rules.


Forever life confuses me

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#3 2007-08-04 21:36:52

nightsecho
Wasted
Registered: 2006-12-04
Posts: 168

Re: New Rules:

whats the address


looking at you with wide eyes from the darkness

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#4 2007-08-04 23:39:28

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:


Forever life confuses me

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#5 2007-08-05 07:01:45

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

Re: New Rules:

He's a bit of a dick (the how to spot a pedophile and mac hatter articles were funny though)

also for some reason after readin the ones i poted and reading the rule about str buck i want to figure out the most complicated way to order hot coca know to man does anyboy know the address of the site w all the terms on it

also that same rule apply for in and out burger

Last edited by Neitherspace (2007-08-05 07:04:54)


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#6 2007-08-05 07:36:27

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Hot chocolate? naaah; try decafe mocha- it's basically the same thing as the espresso doesn't matter in it

Just walk in an order a 'why bother mocha-wihte chocolate breve cappuccino' with extra whipped cream, sprinkles, a dash of cinnamon, three shots, muddy blonde flavoring, iced. You'll be considered an asshole to the max.

why bother: everything as low-fat as possible, decafe, as low-sugar as possible

breve: half-n-half (between it and the whipped cream the low-fat flies out the window, so you're just adding more work)

Mocha white-chocolate: both chocolate syrup, and white chocolate as base flavorings, I don't think the chocolate comes in low-fat or sugar-free, though the white chocolate does. Point: they're stored in different places, so the coffee guy gets more work.

cappuccino: It's odd, and with some machines slightly harder to make a breve cappuccino than a cappuccio. Mostly it's just odd.

Extra whipped cream: Just another thing to get without making any sense.

Sprinkles: A childish extra thing to get without making any sense.

Dash of cinnamon: The coffee guy may or may not have this. If he does, it'll be stored in yet another seperate place. If he doesn't, you get to complain; making you more of an ass.

Three shots: You're just taking up more time, and the espresso is decaf anyway; so what's the purpose? To be an ass.

Muddy blonde flavoring: You've already got flavoring, but the coffee guy will have to make another run for these.

Iced: Not only is it impossible to get an iced cappuccino, but this just makes yet another place for the coffee guy to run to.

Much fun. 3dsmile

The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#7 2007-08-05 18:16:11

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: New Rules:

Okay, but here's my question..... could you actually stand to DRINK IT???

'cause it seems to me that the epitome of assholeness would be to take one sip, make a face, and dump it in the nearest trash receptacle....... 

Net Wolf


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#8 2007-08-05 18:25:08

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

I concur. Take a sip, throw it away, and yell at the guy because he couldn't make an iced cappuccino.

-"There's not enough froth on my iced breve cappuccino! You moron!"

-"asshole"

-The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#9 2007-08-06 23:20:28

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

Re: New Rules:

Net Wolf wrote:

Okay, but here's my question..... could you actually stand to DRINK IT???

'cause it seems to me that the epitome of assholeness would be to take one sip, make a face, and dump it in the nearest trash receptacle....... 

Net Wolf

point

also i couldn't stand jimmies when i was a kid and now that I have been working in an icecream store for 2 year i find them vile beyond measure

The N Storm wrote:

I concur. Take a sip, throw it away, and yell at the guy because he couldn't make an iced cappuccino.

-"There's not enough froth on my iced breve cappuccino! You moron!"

-"asshole"

"THERES NOT ENOUGH CAPPUCCINO IN MY FROTH YOU MORON!!"


But seriously if im paying for it im gunna drink it and i CAN'T STAND coffie

Last edited by Neitherspace (2007-08-06 23:25:46)


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#10 2007-08-06 23:51:14

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Neitherspace wrote:

i CAN'T STAND coffie

Blasphemy! Quick! Get the torture implements! We must purge this one's soul! 3dsmile


Forever life confuses me

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#11 2007-08-07 00:59:35

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

Re: New Rules:

meh i preff herbal tea idk why


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#12 2007-08-07 01:56:56

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Mint is good.

-The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#13 2007-08-07 07:33:01

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: New Rules:

I don't like coffee, either, so...  3dtongue

Just FMI,  What are "jimmies"?

Net Wolf


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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#14 2007-08-07 14:24:05

CSquared
Wasted
Registered: 2006-12-04
Posts: 119

Re: New Rules:

Jimmies are those little tubular sprinkle things that all kids are supposed to love, but most in fact hate.

CSquared

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#15 2007-08-07 17:20:18

Imagineer
Wasted
From: Oak Valley
Registered: 2006-11-27
Posts: 214

Re: New Rules:

I like sprinkle things on donuts.

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#16 2007-08-07 19:28:37

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

Re: New Rules:

sprinkle and jimmies are the same thing it just depends where u live as to what there called

what i heard was the guy who invnted them was named jimmy


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#17 2007-08-08 04:30:01

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Nutmeg is better than sprinkles for whip cream. Just though you all (y'uns) would like to know. 3dsmile

-The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#18 2007-08-08 16:17:50

Imagineer
Wasted
From: Oak Valley
Registered: 2006-11-27
Posts: 214

Re: New Rules:

So many people go to such great lengths to make their coffee more like hot chocolate...

...why not just order hot chocolate?

---
Imagineer
man enough to order hot chocolate

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#19 2007-08-08 18:08:21

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: New Rules:

Honest answer?  Because "Hot chocolate is for kids.  Coffee is what grown-ups drink."

Simple as that:  They're afraid of being seen as childish.

Net Wolf


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
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#20 2007-08-08 18:31:26

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Ever drink 8 shots of espresso in hot chocolate?

-The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#21 2007-08-08 22:26:20

CSquared
Wasted
Registered: 2006-12-04
Posts: 119

Re: New Rules:

Net Wolf wrote:

"Hot chocolate is for kids.  Coffee is what grown-ups drink."

Who the hell says this?  I despise tea, and pretty much only like the really strong coffee you get in small doses - espresso, Turkish coffee, so on and so forth.  If I'm meeting someone in a coffee shop (rare, but it happens) I get a hot chocolate.  Do people really worry about what they'll look like if they get one?  I'm sure most people will think, "Huh, I wish I'd got one of those".

Or, is it the fact that I have yet to complete my second decade? XD

CSquared

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#22 2007-08-08 23:22:09

TheNStorm
Inebriated
Registered: 2006-12-22
Posts: 78

Re: New Rules:

Hot chocolate is ok, I guess, but it has nothing on a nice simple cup of coffee.

-The N Storm


Forever life confuses me

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#23 2007-08-09 00:39:42

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 5745
Website

Re: New Rules:

Unless you don't like coffee, in which case it is far superior to your disgusting cherry-pit soup.  3dsmile

But yes, people in America, anyway, are immensely concerned with their image.  Hot chocolate (or hot cocoa, as it is often called here) is really seen as something for adults to drink only on cold winter nights.  Kids, who are for some reason not allowed to have coffee, but will be given Mountain Dew at the drop of a hat, will drink cocoa pretty much anytime.  (Well, if they like cocoa.  I think there was one kid in California who didn't like it... 3dtongue )  So yes, if you order cocoa at a restaurant, or especially a coffee shop, you are going to be thought of as getting a "kiddie drink".

I don't actually understand how this happened.  Nor do I understand why Kool-Aid  (flavored sugar water, in case you're not familiar with what Kool-Aid is...) is seen almost exclusively as a kids' drink, whereas soda (carbonated flavored sugar-water) is perfectly acceptable for adults.  Some of the "rules" we live by make no bloody sense.

For the record, I drink Kool-Aid nearly ever day of my life, I can't stand coffee, and I LOVE cocoa.  Societal norms be damned, I'll do what I please so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. 3dtongue

Net Wolf


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Facebook page

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#24 2007-08-09 02:04:21

Neitherspace
Completely Blotto
From: Silver City
Registered: 2006-12-03
Posts: 575

Re: New Rules:

lol u know ther making a version of mountain dew for gamers

but i agree w net untill recently o couldn't stand tea (Teavana is responsible for my conversion to a tea drinker them and there awesome free samples)


"I figure that if you can't write decent dialogue for the devil, maybe you shouldn't be a writer."-Richard Kadrey

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#25 2007-08-09 02:22:35

Imagineer
Wasted
From: Oak Valley
Registered: 2006-11-27
Posts: 214

Re: New Rules:

"I don't actually understand how this happened." We see commercials for Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa and they're clearly showing that kids drink it. Adults who engage in childish behavior are generally looked down upon, so it takes a nonconformist type (pretty much everyone here) to order hot chocolate in public.

Coffee, on the other hand, gets regular reinforcement as a serious adult beverage, used to properly equip us for a hard day of doing serious adult things.

How did that start? Hot Cocoa is sweet, because we learned long long ago to infuse our chocolate things with lots of sugar to make them palatable, whereas coffee is still served in its basic bitter form and sweetener/cream is considered optional. Kids really dislike bitter things. Adults will acquire a taste for something bitter if it means giving them that caffeinated zing they need in order to get ahead or just not feel so damn old.

Of course, Starbucks knows that even adults like sugar, and offer lots of products that dress up our serious adult beverage with dizzying sweetness. (Caramel Macchiato, anyone? Maybe a Mocha Frappuccino?)

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