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#1 2019-04-20 02:08:14

Bridget
God
From: The Internet
Registered: 2006-09-09
Posts: 521
Website

Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

Susan is supposed to meet with her Editor. Only he doesn't show up and she meets Connor. Connor explains to her, he's telepathic. She doesn't quite know what to think, is he crazy or is he telling the truth?

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#2 2019-04-23 21:04:37

Elessar
Wasted
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 157

Re: Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

It was really... not sure the word to be honest. I was confused most of the way at the speed of the story as it says chapter one and then ends the story. It wasn’t until I looked more into the info page that I realized it was a single chapter/short story. That’s my fault but I still felt jipped.
I think it was ultimately disappointing to me since it felt like it didn’t go anywhere with the story. I understand the story was him explaining what happened, I felt a chase or something more akin to that would have jumped it to a new level, where he had to fight to take her.
That may be because telepathy is TYPICALLY limited by only reading minds, not controlling them.
If it had been less about absolute certainty that he would have her and more about a struggle to take her, I feel it would have been better.
8/10
I would read it again but not any time soon. I do look forward to another release.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

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#3 2019-04-23 21:11:02

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4407
Website

Re: Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

... You would give it an 8 out of 10, and yet you had NOTHING positive to say about it in your review of it.

Someone clearly hasn't read the critiquing guide...

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#4 2019-04-26 02:45:11

Elessar
Wasted
Registered: 2009-10-28
Posts: 157

Re: Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

I have read the guide, and no offense, I see it as a guide.
I didn’t say it was a shit story because it wasn’t. For what it gave it was really good, the details within the story were great, I just felt it would have been better as a 2-3 chapter short story book rather then a 1 chapter story.
I would read it it again because it was good. Thought that was a positive compliment.

Eric Storm wrote:

... You would give it an 8 out of 10, and yet you had NOTHING positive to say about it in your review of it.

Someone clearly hasn't read the critiquing guide...

Eric Storm

Last edited by Elessar (2019-04-26 02:47:05)

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#5 2019-04-26 04:41:13

Eric Storm
Pub Owner
From: New Port Richey, FL
Registered: 2006-09-12
Posts: 4407
Website

Re: Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

Well, next time, see it as more like THE RULE.

Your "positive compliment" was so meager, I actually managed to miss it.  Perhaps because, by the time you got around to saying it, there had been so much negative in your post that it couldn't even be heard.

Tell me, would you have liked it if your boss had come up to you and laid out a review of your work that looked like this?  "You fucked up here, here, here, and here, and this could have been done way better... we're not going to fire you, but you definitely need to improve in the future..."  That is EXACTLY how your post reads to an author.

Please try to remember that authors put a significant portion of themselves into their work.  When you criticize it, you are criticizing them by extension.  Yes, it is VITAL that you do something in your message to SIGNIFICANTLY reduce that impact.  Maybe you don't think that's necessary.  I don't care.  I'm telling you it is.

Sure, I'm well aware that Blackie has been around even longer than I have.  Nothing you say is going to sway his interest in writing one iota (most likely).  That's not going to be true with every author, and I won't have you discouraging people because you didn't want to take the time to do a review the right way.

Had you put the things you said in your reply to me, in the original review, it would have been significantly better than it was.  You should have as much positive to say - if not more - as you have negative to say.  If you can't be bothered to take the time to do that... and I know what I'm about to say is quite harsh: I don't care...

Shut up.

If you're not willing to take the time to do it right, for Universe's sake, don't waste everyone's time doing it wrong.  You do more harm than good, and no one needs that.  That author spent HOURS writing the chapter or story you can't even be bothered to take ten minutes to write a decent review of.  I think he's earned a little more respect than that.

Eric Storm


Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Please don't be an asshole to me, because then I'll have to be an asshole to you... and I'm MUCH better at being an asshole than you are.

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#6 2019-05-05 04:57:52

Blackie
Inebriated
Registered: 2017-07-12
Posts: 69

Re: Susan Doesn't Live Here Any More

The 'Chapter One' thing is an artifact of how stories post here.  It is my fault for not altering that to display anything  to indicate the short story nature of this. You completely missed the initial label but hey, such crap happens.

This story was geared to lead into a sharp conclusion completely at odds with the way his narrative had gone all along but there's plenty of little hints I tried not to make too broad which way he would fall.  It wasn't intended to be any more than that.


-Himself

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." -Randy K. Milholland

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