Potential

Overcome OCD, Phobia, Panic Attacks, Depression And Fear Of Rejection! Find new and used cars up to 90% off retail value! Naturally Attract Power, Wealth and Success Into Your Life!


The entire thread can be found here
2020-Jun-26 @ 7:32 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 4923

Um... have you looked in Potential's story section?  Both of those chapters appear to be there... neither is marked as PRM, so...

Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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2020-Jun-26 @ 7:32 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 4923

Soul_less:

Actually, I felt you were missing a few commas, myself...  big_smile

Eric Storm


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Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
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2020-Jun-26 @ 9:37 AM
Soul_less327
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Jun-3
Posts: 9

Eric Storm wrote:

Soul_less:

Actually, I felt you were missing a few commas, myself...  big_smile

Eric Storm

LOL, fair enough, I'll have to work on that.   You can never have enough commas... big_smile


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2020-Jun-26 @ 6:49 PM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

Nectoxicdragon wrote:

I'm getting ready to load a target up on my laptop and use it  for practice with my 10mm glock... I cant find ANYWHERE to dl a readable format of Potential 31 and 32 and its ticking me off!

No need to die or whip out your big ten inch or get a tick around here. Eric is one of the most responsive site owner/admins I've encountered, even when he's giving me a hard time. ;-) I see those chapters, and they are on two other platforms, but you won't see them on those Russian sites or the site that lets all their content get skimmed for other sites. Maybe that's what landed you here?

Find my user profile, click see my stuff, then double click Potential, click the down arrow on the left, find chapter 31, and click GO. Then read away.
Have fun.


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2020-Jun-26 @ 11:16 PM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 4923

Well, I thought giving you a hard time was part of my job...

big_smile

Eric Storm


-----
Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
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2020-Jul-17 @ 6:38 AM
Soul_less327
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Jun-3
Posts: 9

So after reading Chapter 33, I just want to say again how amazing this story is and how much I enjoy reading it and the characters within.

That being said, this chapter kind of left me wanting more.   I appreciated the story progression and there wasn't any part that I didn't like, it just felt a lot shorter than previous chapters and kind of emptier with regard to the love scenes.   I don't know about the actual word count or anything but there were several places where I thought there would be love scenes that were just missing.

I would have liked to have actually seen the scene between Candy and Cindy after Deanna left.   I would have liked to have seen the scene between Deanna and Rebecca at the park.   I feel like they could have been added in between the other sections of the story and it would have added a lot to the chapter.

Even if we have already seen those particular pairings, I enjoyed those scenes a great deal in previous chapters.   Not just for the sexiness but also for the way you described their affection for each other during those moments and how it developed the emotional aspects of their relationships.

The absence of those scenes almost made this feel like half of a chapter.  Like maybe chapter 34 will go back and show us what we missed in Game of Thrones style, but I would have rather just read it as one oversized chapter if that is the plan.

I am still really enjoying this story and I can't wait to see how it ends.  I really hope Evan finds out about what has been going on and I hope that one of the girls tells him without him having to find out on his own.  I feel like Evan needs to be able to confront John if he is ever going to be the 'man of the house' so to speak.  I have a little sister and I know for a fact that if I found out someone had hurt her the way John has hurt Evan's sisters, I would not stop until he was dead and damn the consequences.  So, I get why the girls feel like they can't tell Evan, but that is a betrayal also.  He deserves to know and he deserves the chance to stand up to John and to be the man that Candy and his sisters deserve.  Once he gets that chance and hopefully gets to punch John in the goddamned face, then Sally can swoop in and do her thing.  I just don't want Evan's last attempt at being the man he wants to be to end with John standing over him.

I'm probably just saying all of this into the void because you have probably already mapped out how the rest of the story goes, but I just can't help rooting for Evan to get his shot.

The first part of this post was kind of negative and I do apologize about that but I am just trying to be honest.  The story as a whole still remains compelling and emotional and fantastic.

Can't wait for the next chapter, but I know it will be worth the wait.   Thank you for sharing your talent with us and for the effort you put into this story.  You are very much appreciated.


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2020-Jul-17 @ 7:12 AM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

Soul_less327 wrote:

it just felt a lot shorter than previous chapters and kind of emptier with regard to the love scenes. I thought there would be love scenes that were just missing.

I would have liked to have actually seen the scene between Candy and Cindy after Deanna left.   I would have liked to have seen the scene between Deanna and Rebecca at the park.

I really hope Evan finds out about what has been going on and I hope that one of the girls tells him without him having to find out on his own.

I'm always happy to hear what everyone thinks, even when they think something should have been different or better. I take all that in, and consider it. Sometimes I messed up and am happy for an idea for a different way it could have been done. That's not to say I try and write the story to every person's comments and suggestions, that obviously could never happen.

So, having looked at the above, I'll say this, The chapter was the same length as the last one. There weren't as many different jumps to different places with different people the way many of the other chapters go. There was a reason for that, too. It just didn't work and wouldn't have made sense. My test reader agreed. I wasn't even sure I wanted the part where Deana suggests the top of the slide. Think about what she has just learned about her life, then she realized that she couldn't even share it with her best friend and girlfriend. The only reason I added it, was because earlier I explained sex was her way of dealing with stuff. We'll see what others think.

The Candy and Cindy thing wasn't as important as what Deana needed to do with the pictures. Sex at that point would have been something I would scroll through to find out what was in the shoebox that most of you probably forgot Sally had under her arm the day she cracked the password.

As far as Evan goes, the girls aren't going to tell him something that will make him react the way he did when John was hurting Candy. We'll all have to wait and see if or how he finds out, and whether or not he can handle it in a way that doesn't get him punched out again. It's really hard for me to decide who should do what to John. Sally has been hurt the worst, but Candy, Deana, and Cindy have also been hurt badly. Maybe Cindy should run him over? Maybe Deana and Gloria should use a steak knife on him? Maybe Sally has a plan that will keep everyone out of jail, except John? Maybe Candy has that 7 million volt tazer?

So many possibilities.


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2020-Jul-17 @ 9:03 AM
Soul_less327
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Jun-3
Posts: 9

bistander wrote:

Soul_less327 wrote:

it just felt a lot shorter than previous chapters and kind of emptier with regard to the love scenes. I thought there would be love scenes that were just missing.

I would have liked to have actually seen the scene between Candy and Cindy after Deanna left.   I would have liked to have seen the scene between Deanna and Rebecca at the park.

I really hope Evan finds out about what has been going on and I hope that one of the girls tells him without him having to find out on his own.

I'm always happy to hear what everyone thinks, even when they think something should have been different or better. I take all that in, and consider it. Sometimes I messed up and am happy for an idea for a different way it could have been done. That's not to say I try and write the story to every person's comments and suggestions, that obviously could never happen.

So, having looked at the above, I'll say this, The chapter was the same length as the last one. There weren't as many different jumps to different places with different people the way many of the other chapters go. There was a reason for that, too. It just didn't work and wouldn't have made sense. My test reader agreed. I wasn't even sure I wanted the part where Deana suggests the top of the slide. Think about what she has just learned about her life, then she realized that she couldn't even share it with her best friend and girlfriend. The only reason I added it, was because earlier I explained sex was her way of dealing with stuff. We'll see what others think.

The Candy and Cindy thing wasn't as important as what Deana needed to do with the pictures. Sex at that point would have been something I would scroll through to find out what was in the shoebox that most of you probably forgot Sally had under her arm the day she cracked the password.

As far as Evan goes, the girls aren't going to tell him something that will make him react the way he did when John was hurting Candy. We'll all have to wait and see if or how he finds out, and whether or not he can handle it in a way that doesn't get him punched out again. It's really hard for me to decide who should do what to John. Sally has been hurt the worst, but Candy, Deana, and Cindy have also been hurt badly. Maybe Cindy should run him over? Maybe Deana and Gloria should use a steak knife on him? Maybe Sally has a plan that will keep everyone out of jail, except John? Maybe Candy has that 7 million volt tazer?

So many possibilities.

I sort of get what you are saying about the sex being secondary to the scene with the pictures and I get that Deanna was using sex as a distraction from her pain.  I agree with you that in a lot of stories, the love scenes would be less important than the scenes surrounding them.  In this story though, I feel like the love scenes aren't just something you add in for the reader to fap to.  With the exception of Jason who is only in it for the sex (by design) and anything involving Ms Style so far, I feel like pretty much every love scene in the story deepened the relationship between the two or three partners in a meaningful way.

So even though Deanna looking through the shoebox of pictures was important for her arc, the off screen scene with Candy and Cindy could have been just as important to their arc if you had written it.  Cindy had just revealed a lot of heavy stuff to Deanna, some of which not even Candy is aware of.  I would have loved to have read Cindy's emotions and thoughts and struggles even in the midst of the sex between her and Candy. I would have loved to see if Candy picked up on the fact that something was wrong and what she would have done about it.  Likewise I would have loved to have read about Deanna's inner thoughts while she was with Rebecca.  Yes it was a distraction, but you've already shown that they can sense a lot about each other during those intimate moments.  Maybe the scene could have been used to bring them closer together?  Maybe Rebecca would have sensed something was off and that there was turmoil beneath the surface but she would have chosen to give Deanna comfort in the only way that Deanna could accept from her at that point?  These skipped scenes just feel like missed opportunities for emotional and relationship growth to me.

Don't cheapen the love scenes by thinking they are just something to skip through to get to the important parts of the story.   You've done an amazing job so far of giving the scenes meaning and purpose beyond just the obvious sexiness.  You haven't been the type of writer to treat the love scenes as throwaway when they can be impactful and important, I have no reason to believe that you would have written them that way in this case.  I'm going to have to disagree with your tester on this one.

Also, I want it on record that I did remember the pictures and the shoebox and the scene where Evan asked about the pictures.  I may not remember every scene, but I do remember most of them.  big_smile

Lastly, I can't wait to see what happens to John.   I really hope someone kills him in a way that keeps them out of jail or if John goes to jail, hopefully he dies horribly while he is in there.  I would be fine if one of the girls gets to kill him, any of them deserve to do it after what John did to them.  I just hope Evan gets to stand up to him and prevail at least once before John meets his fate.  Just as the girls getting their justice against John is crucial for them and their ability to move past this horrible situation, it is just as important for Evan to find out what has been going on in the house under his nose and for him to have his victory over John as well.  How could Evan live with himself if he found out and had done nothing to stand up for the women that he loved?  That isn't something you recover from and eventually he is going to find out.  I think it would be better if the girls trusted him with their pain on their own terms. 

Okay, I think I've stated my opinion more than enough times at this point.  I'll just sit back and wait for the next chapter.  We readers do get the easy part of this exchange.  wink

Anyway, thanks again for this story.


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2020-Jul-17 @ 6:57 PM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

Soul_less,

I do agree with you on the love scenes, and you are correct, I do put as much into them as the rest of the story. Even the ones that are more sex than love, I have lined with hints or important details or character building. Unfortunately, you are one of the few readers who gets that. You are also one of the few that writes long, well thought out comments. I thank you for that. I am learning about writing as I go, so everything people say goes into the mixing pot of experience. Hopefully, my next novel will be better and easier to write than this beast has been. Of course, it didn't start out to be this length or much more than a great flap story. You can thank Eric for that. "You can't grow unless you're in over your head." That's great advice as long as you don't fuckin' drown.

Psst, I've been told my chapters are too long, and that they are not long enough, and that they are the right length. 10,000 words seems to be what most people favor. That means maybe some of what you were asking for just didn't fit and could have led off the next chapter? But since you asked for it, there's no way I could do it now. I wouldn't want anyone thinking all they have to do is complain and I'll write something for them. lol


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2020-Jul-18 @ 4:25 AM
Eric Storm
Pub Owner
Member since 2006-Sep-13
Posts: 4923

Hey, Soul_less:

For enough of a bribe, I can threaten him into it for you.... mwahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaa.....

:evil:

Eric Storm


-----
Please Remember:  The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone."  The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended.  If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM.
----
Discord Server | Facebook page
2020-Jul-18 @ 6:17 AM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

Thanks Eric for a good laugh. I needed that.


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2020-Jul-18 @ 8:09 AM
Soul_less327
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Jun-3
Posts: 9

I mean, I do have Paypal.....


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2020-Jul-18 @ 8:15 AM
Soul_less327
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Jun-3
Posts: 9

Seriously though bistander, you could always go back and add the love scenes into chapter 33 and re-release it with bonus content that you totally planned on adding in waaaay before anyone asked for it.    big_smile 

People who complain about your chapters being too long obviously have way too much to do in their lives and should probably chill out a little.   wink

I will always make time to read a great story.


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2020-Jul-18 @ 8:19 AM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

LOL.

I don't need to go back when I can recap, or have a follow up in 34.


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2020-Aug-24 @ 2:05 AM
Rocker_Ron
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Apr-15
Posts: 2

Can’t wait for the next installment. Great story line. Thank you for sharing.

(posted from Potential Chapter 33: Photograph)


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2020-Aug-26 @ 3:16 AM
southpaw1430
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Aug-8
Posts: 5

Excellent story.  Thanks

(posted from Chapter 1: The Pantie Fetish)


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2020-Aug-29 @ 7:22 PM
southpaw1430
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Aug-8
Posts: 5

I have enjoyed this story.  Just finished ch. 33.  I hope there is more.  Good character development.  Thanks.

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2020-Aug-31 @ 11:41 PM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

southpaw1430 wrote:

I have enjoyed this story.  Just finished ch. 33.  I hope there is more.  Good character development.  Thanks.

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Thanks ya'll for the comments. Yup, there is more. I'm working on 34 now. Had a bit of downtime after the last chapter, so it's not as fast as the last time.


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2020-Oct-2 @ 12:11 PM
wekfhj24
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Sep-28
Posts: 5

Hello there! I wanted to know how long to wait for the continuation of a wonderful series of stories?

(posted from the Item Information Page)


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2020-Oct-5 @ 1:37 AM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

wekfhj24 wrote:

Hello there! I wanted to know how long to wait for the continuation of a wonderful series of stories?

(posted from the Item Information Page)

Don't wait any longer. Just go read it and tell me how great it was.


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2020-Oct-8 @ 6:54 PM
wekfhj24
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Sep-28
Posts: 5

It was amazing! I read it in one breath. It seemed that part was small. I want more. Especially looking forward to the development of the Evan-Miss style line, I want something hot. Thank you very much! The author is the best!

(posted from Potential Chapter 34: A Great Idea)


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2020-Oct-11 @ 4:14 AM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

If you saw Potential 34 pop up as new that's because I fix a few typos.

I was planning on posting 35 this weekend, but I was quite ill all week. I'll get on the editing/proofreading tomorrow. Shouldn't take long.


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2020-Oct-11 @ 10:30 AM
wekfhj24
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Sep-28
Posts: 5

bistander wrote:

If you saw Potential 34 pop up as new that's because I fix a few typos.

I was planning on posting 35 this weekend, but I was quite ill all week. I'll get on the editing/proofreading tomorrow. Shouldn't take long.

Hello! Thanks! I wish you strong health! All the best to you!


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2020-Oct-17 @ 9:34 PM
bistander
Contributor
Member since 2015-Sep-3
Posts: 170

wekfhj24 wrote:

Hello! Thanks! I wish you strong health! All the best to you!

Thank you, much.


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2020-Oct-18 @ 12:12 AM
southpaw1430
Tipsy
Member since 2020-Aug-8
Posts: 5

Excellent Chapter.  This is one of my favorite stories.  Thanks.

(posted from Potential Chapter 35: The Game)


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