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2016-May-8 @ 9:18 AM | |
Bridget Barmaid Member since 2006-Sep-9 Posts: 778 |
Alpha Project ----- Please read The Mystic Wolf Pub Critiquing Guide. SITE CONTENT POLICY: The administrator of this site will not reject, remove, or censor any story posted to this site based on the story's content. No story shall be removed except for purely technical reasons (which will be worked out with the author so that the story can be reposted as quickly as possible), or due to a direct order from the site's hosting provider, a law-enforcement entity, or the story's owner. |
2016-May-8 @ 7:25 PM | |
Rescue25 Wasted Member since 2014-Jul-7 Posts: 122 |
Awfully short chapter. Ho[e the next one will be a little longer. Good beginning for what promises to be a good story. ----- |
2016-May-8 @ 8:30 PM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Each chapter is being word count limited, for a smoother reading process. They shouldn't be more than 1-2 thousand words a chapter, so they wont be longer but they will be rapidly published. Hopefully mewhahaha. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2016-May-11 @ 4:37 PM | |
Elessar Completely Blotto Member since 2009-Oct-28 Posts: 396 |
Lost interest almost immediately, couple reasons. First was the several misspellings and grammatical incorrections, now my grammar and spelling is far from perfect. But some of them were bad. Second was, well I understand short chapters. But that literally took me less then 3 minutes to read. I should at least take like 15 minutes to read the chapter, should consider increasing your word limit to 8,000 or so. Just a suggestion. Last reason, it started off so suddenly, nothing to build up to the start. It just happened. Took any possible suspense from the story for me. ----- |
2016-May-11 @ 9:55 PM | |
Fenixreign Completely Blotto Member since 2014-Aug-2 Posts: 255 |
I have not read the chapter yet since, as I said on a different part of the forum, I don't read only the first 1-2 chapters. Having said that though, Elessar, your third point of contention is a bit of a sticking point. Some readers need stories to start out with explosions and other pyro, others want it to start out like The Hobbitt, most like that middle of the road. As an example, even as a huge movie fan, I have yet to see all of Blazing Saddles because it starts so slowly that there is nothing that grabs my attention in the first 10 minutes and if a movie doesn't grab me in that 10 minutes, I will never get to watch it because when I see it on again I just skip over it since I will miss the first part. ----- |
2016-May-11 @ 10:55 PM | |
Eric Storm Pub Owner Member since 2006-Sep-13 Posts: 5751 |
Elessar:
Your comment, had it come to me, would have resulted in a highly negative response that I'm struggling very hard not to give you FOR Wicked Storm. Your dislike for their work is YOUR PROBLEM, NOT THEIRS. The tone of your comment suggests that they should be working to please you, specifically. In short, you're not that important. ----- Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM. ---- Facebook page |
2016-May-13 @ 4:21 PM | |
Elessar Completely Blotto Member since 2009-Oct-28 Posts: 396 |
I could argue with it but it's ultimately pointless. My personality is messed up in the way, that I enjoy arguing, even if I'm wrong.
----- |
2016-May-13 @ 9:30 PM | |
Eric Storm Pub Owner Member since 2006-Sep-13 Posts: 5751 |
One of my goals in creating The Pub was to give authors a place they felt safe to interact with their readers without the fear of all the bastards out there who think its funny or enjoyable to just trash someone's work for the hell of it. (Not saying that's what you were doing.) ----- Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM. ---- Facebook page |
2016-May-16 @ 8:16 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Thank you very much Eric for Moderating the comments made here. I will respond a little of my own. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2016-May-16 @ 9:05 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Also as a note, Chapter 1 has been edited for errors, and grammar to the best of my ability for it's first run through. I do encourage readers if they find errors, to send me an email with their location and I will edit them if it is accurate. Thank you. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2016-May-24 @ 1:01 AM | |
Freon22 Wasted Member since 2011-Aug-17 Posts: 123 |
This story is looking good and it is building so it can move down any path. You know human testing does happen in real life so your story so far is in the realm of possibility. Not saying that you should stay in the real life, I think most people read to let their minds escape real life (just for a little while) LOL.
----- “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” ― Abraham Lincoln |
2016-May-24 @ 2:16 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Yes, I do know that there is some stuff out there like this, but its not going to be the extreme that this is going to be. You will understand when i get through the next couple of chapters. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2016-Jul-25 @ 8:28 AM | |
Lacy69 Inebriated Member since 2016-Jun-21 Posts: 38 |
Wicked Storm i am glad that you are putting forth the effort to write a good story. I enjoyed the first three chapters and would like to encourage you to write more on this story. Yes there are stories out there that are a like but to be honest its like a painting no 2 painters are exactly alike. Keep up the good work and hope to see more. I most defiantly want to see what you have in mind for the sisters ----- |
2016-Aug-12 @ 9:26 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Oh yes, Alpha Project, is definitely going to receive some more here soon. Promise. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2017-Mar-4 @ 1:58 AM | |
Freon22 Wasted Member since 2011-Aug-17 Posts: 123 |
Bump Bump :-) ----- “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” ― Abraham Lincoln |
2017-May-16 @ 4:34 PM | |
barenakeddreams Tipsy Member since 2007-Sep-1 Posts: 8 |
Great start of a story! Would love to read more. ----- |
2017-Jun-25 @ 12:55 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
me too. cant wait for the author to write some more of this story..... oh shit thats me... ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2020-Sep-26 @ 10:14 PM | |
kojak1818 Inebriated Member since 2020-Aug-6 Posts: 17 |
Rage for rag? Souled for soiled? Twerking for tweaking? You've got to be kidding! ----- |
2020-Sep-26 @ 10:35 PM | |
kojak1818 Inebriated Member since 2020-Aug-6 Posts: 17 |
Four play for foreplay? ----- |
2020-Sep-26 @ 10:53 PM | |
kojak1818 Inebriated Member since 2020-Aug-6 Posts: 17 |
Title wave for tidal wave? ----- |
2020-Sep-26 @ 10:58 PM | |
kojak1818 Inebriated Member since 2020-Aug-6 Posts: 17 |
Road to climax for rode to climax? You really need to learn how to deal with homonyms! ----- |
2020-Sep-26 @ 11:19 PM | |
kojak1818 Inebriated Member since 2020-Aug-6 Posts: 17 |
You really need to learn how to deal with homonyms and the difference between singular and plural! ----- |
2020-Sep-27 @ 6:28 AM | |
Eric Storm Pub Owner Member since 2006-Sep-13 Posts: 5751 |
And you really need to pay attention when the admin of a site tells you that your behavior is inappropriate. I've already warned you once. ----- Please Remember: The right to Freedom of Speech does not carry the proviso, "As long as it doesn't upset anyone." The US Constitution does not grant you the right to not be offended. If you don't like what someone's saying... IGNORE THEM. ---- Facebook page |
2024-Feb-23 @ 9:47 AM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
I have started editing and reposting chapters for this WIP. Enjoy everyone, feel free to let me know if you notice something big, preferably in an email. haha. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |
2024-Feb-24 @ 10:57 PM | |
Wicked Storm Contributor Member since 2012-Jun-16 Posts: 368 |
Edits are caught up to chapter 5 now, with a bit of new content on chapter 5. ----- In the dark your lips taste like sweet nectar, and in the line they tease me endlessly. |